Do you feel like your relationships are almost always ruined because you are scared? Scared of being abandoned like your mom was? Scared of commitment because it did not work out before? Scared he’ll cheat on you like your friend’s man did? Nonhlanla Khumalo lists the top phobias that make women want to run and hide when love comes to town.
1) Fear Of Abandonment:
Especially if you have witnessed abandonment-your dad leaving your mom, perhaps, you might assume that it is inevitable that your man will also abandon you. Your logic will have you shun relationships forever. But love is an emotion and it’s not guided by logic. That’s why they say “only fools fall in love”. We all have to calculate the risks when we fall for someone. You can let your fear consume you and drive you crazy or live a little and enjoy the good times.If he abandons you see, think of an opportunity to meet the one that was meant for you.
2)Fear of Infedelity
Does monogamy actually exist? Yes. We have seen great men risk it all for a side piece. Do all men cheat? Why do they cheat? May be Tiger Woods has the answers to these questions.Although we all know that not all men cheat, but all men are tempted to do it sometimes and it just depend on who has more self control.. The only way you can get over the fear of infidelity is to stop assuming that all men are the same, and that sometimes life just happens. Rather be the girl who gave it a try than the one who never tried at all. Who knows, your man may just turn out to be that one in a million.
3)Fear Of Change
It’s only natural that you may be a bit concern about how married life is going to change you as a person.The entire world expect you to change- talk differently, behave differently, even dress differently whether you change at all is entirely up to to you. Discuss your fears witrh your partner and accept his help and support. Delegates chores- he may be more than willing to help out. Plus , if you can pay for help, go for it.
4)Fear of Abuse
Many women who’ve dated abusers can testify that their partners were not abusive from their first date. Abusers behave very well until they know that you are hooked, and then the abuse begins. If this is one of your biggest fears, make sure that you are aware of the signs. The controlling usually starts very early on and it escalates. If you notice this , address that issue. If the problem continues, it’s your cue to get going.
5)Fear that you are not the one
Some women starts relationships knowing that there is another woman who is the one. They only have themselves to blame. But you could go into a relationship believing you are the one, only to find out later that it’s not the case; in these cases, it’s not some thing you can control. However, Finding out as much as you can about your boyfriend’s previous relationships can give you some clues to his track record and your chances together. Remember, it really doesn’t hurt to ask the question and demand an honest answer.
6)Fear of Commitment
It’s human nature to want to protect yourself and commiting to something with no guarantees is a scary thought. Try and figure out why you shy away from long-term arrangements, and work through your emotions. Be honest with your partner about your fera, he might helpyou.
7)Fear of sharing
Moving in together does not seem such an attractive idea because you can’t stand other people touching your things . You need your space every now and then. But you should be able to ballow at least one special person into that space too.
8)Fear of being alone
Are you one of those girls who cannot stand being alone? You always have to have a boyfriend? That’s when you make the mistake of being in relationships that don’t fulfil ytou. How are you going to find the love of your life if you are always in rebound relationships.
9)Fear of being used
You might be scared of going into a relationship whole – heartedly only to find out a couple of months down the line that you are being used for your money or your name as a side piece. Before completely losing your haett to a guy, perhaps do a little home work on him. Check on his position and relationship track- record to assure yourself it is love – not money or status that attracted him in the first place.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Do It While You Still can
When you lose a loved one, you realize that relationships are more important than possessions, but we forget that in our sramble to the top of the heap, being told you have only a short time to live puts you into shock, then re-orders your priorities. It makes you want to fill each precious moment with the words you’ve neglected to do. Don’t allow self-certredness to keep you from showing love to those who need it. Make that call, send that email, buy those flowers. Say ‘I love you’. In other words, ‘be there’ most of the time people don’t need our wise analysis or brilliant answers, they just need our love and support and they’ll will find their own answers
The son of a well-know missionary stood at his dad’s grave without shedding a tear. He told someone, ‘you never miss what you never had’. My dad loved people on the other side of the world, but I’m not sure he loved me. wake up! The clock is ticking and the days are flying by. Yes, you must fulfil your assignment but not at the cost of the people that matter
The son of a well-know missionary stood at his dad’s grave without shedding a tear. He told someone, ‘you never miss what you never had’. My dad loved people on the other side of the world, but I’m not sure he loved me. wake up! The clock is ticking and the days are flying by. Yes, you must fulfil your assignment but not at the cost of the people that matter
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Why Keeping Score Is Disastrous In Relationships.
Keeping score only works in competitive sports; It’s disastrous in relationships. There is so much good in the worst of us and so much bad in the best of us , that we’ll spend much of our lives learning to forgive and forget. And forgetting is harder when the offences can be forgiven quickly; big ones require a healing process. But until you make the decision to forgive, the process can’t even begin.
How can you forgive as quickly and completely as possible? Clothe yourselves with tender-hearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. To practice this kind of forgiveness you must focus on a person’s worth not their weakness. You must turn your heart away from what was, to what can be. You say. Why should I forgive and forget?
a) Because you yourself will continue to need forgiveness
b) Because you weren’t built to carry the stress that goes with resentment.
Friday, August 6, 2010
How To Fight So Everybody Wins
Healthy relationships aren’t conflict free; they are conflict resolving. The problem is we fight for victories instead of fighting for solutions. The result is one wins, one loses and the relationship suffers. Here are some pratical insights for fighting so that the relationship wins:
1)Differences are inevitable, normal and potentially beneficial. They are inevitable because relationships bring together very different people. They are normal because all relationships including great ones experience them. They are potentially beneficial, because handled effectively, relationships grow through them.
2)Here are three conflicting handling styles:
a)The avoid style: These are the don’t want to rock the boat and let the sleeping dogs lie people. They fear confrontation, so they bury their feelings, not realizing they are buried alive and will rise again down the road. They go from clam-up, to build up, inviting physical and emotional illness. Meanwhile offences accumulate, unaddressed issues multiply, and unfinished business erodes the relationship.
b)The attack style: These are the get them before they get you people; ruthless fighters who refuse to give in, they inflict terminal wounds on each other. If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. Attack begets counter-attack, both sides dig in and nothing get resolved.
c)The approach-assert style: These are the no price is too high for a good relationship people. They are sensitive to the feelings of others, yet insist on dealing directly with important issues. They avoid blaming,confronting the issues, not the individual, and invite others to partner with them in solving the problem, saving the relationship.
1)Differences are inevitable, normal and potentially beneficial. They are inevitable because relationships bring together very different people. They are normal because all relationships including great ones experience them. They are potentially beneficial, because handled effectively, relationships grow through them.
2)Here are three conflicting handling styles:
a)The avoid style: These are the don’t want to rock the boat and let the sleeping dogs lie people. They fear confrontation, so they bury their feelings, not realizing they are buried alive and will rise again down the road. They go from clam-up, to build up, inviting physical and emotional illness. Meanwhile offences accumulate, unaddressed issues multiply, and unfinished business erodes the relationship.
b)The attack style: These are the get them before they get you people; ruthless fighters who refuse to give in, they inflict terminal wounds on each other. If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. Attack begets counter-attack, both sides dig in and nothing get resolved.
c)The approach-assert style: These are the no price is too high for a good relationship people. They are sensitive to the feelings of others, yet insist on dealing directly with important issues. They avoid blaming,confronting the issues, not the individual, and invite others to partner with them in solving the problem, saving the relationship.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
How To Get And Stay With The Right Partner
On the other hand, some singles could get so possessive and lose out on their partners. When you get too possessive, you are invariably telling yourself that there is little or no space for you in your partner’s heart.
If you have found yourself in one of the two categories listed above and are wondering how to change your attitudes, here is how:
First of all, trust yourself and then learn to trust your partner. Assure yourself that if you have a space in your partner’s life, then no one can take your place. Partners, most especially guys, do not really enjoy it when you cling them and make a fool of yourself, albeit unnecessarily when you two are around friends of the opposite sex.
Any single guy or lady ready for marriage should shun bad habbits and be truthful to the partner, and take time to learn those things that build a better and healthy relationship.
Monday, June 21, 2010
What You Need To Know About Relationships
Relationships aren’t destinations but ends.
They are journeys taken by men in the same ship in life.
Men with the same purpose and sense of judgement
Men with similar visions and goals.
Men with the same commitment and zeal.
They are founded on the conviction of each other.
And by commitment to each other
Strengthened by their faith in each other
Supported by the decision of each other.
They are meant to bless not batter
To complement and not to struggle
To commend and not to condemn
To learn from and not to dominate
To produce miracles and not mirages in marriage.
To produce victors and not victim in the home
To stimulate productivity and not strains in associations
To progress and not be stagnant in life
If done in sincerity,truth and love
They should be built on love and not lust
They should be handled with care and not treated with levity
They should be respected by all and not despised by any.
They should be seen as experiences and not experiments
Relationships:
Handled them with care:they are easily broken
Treat them with respect: they are easily discouraged
Guard them zealeously: they are usually envious
Appreciate them constansly: they need reassurance
Shower them with love: they deserve it.
They are journeys taken by men in the same ship in life.
Men with the same purpose and sense of judgement
Men with similar visions and goals.
Men with the same commitment and zeal.
They are founded on the conviction of each other.
And by commitment to each other
Strengthened by their faith in each other
Supported by the decision of each other.
They are meant to bless not batter
To complement and not to struggle
To commend and not to condemn
To learn from and not to dominate
To produce miracles and not mirages in marriage.
To produce victors and not victim in the home
To stimulate productivity and not strains in associations
To progress and not be stagnant in life
If done in sincerity,truth and love
They should be built on love and not lust
They should be handled with care and not treated with levity
They should be respected by all and not despised by any.
They should be seen as experiences and not experiments
Relationships:
Handled them with care:they are easily broken
Treat them with respect: they are easily discouraged
Guard them zealeously: they are usually envious
Appreciate them constansly: they need reassurance
Shower them with love: they deserve it.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Communication And Love-The Key To A Successful Marriage
Communication means talking with each other freely. Love means unselfish care for the other. Some people says, “ A real man doesn’t need to talk with his wife” but the fact is, a man will begin to enjoy marriage more when he realized, “It’s good for me to talk freely with my wife” As I communicate with her we understand each other; our love grows. There are three levels of communication: Perhaps right now your communication is zero. Don’t worry. You and your husband/wife can step up to level 1 and then to level 2 and 3. When you succeed in reaching level 3, you will find the joy of romantic friendship.
Level 1: Talk about what happened each afternoon when you and your husband/wife arrive home, tell each other what happened during and after the day. Tell about the car accident you saw, or how your cousin passed his exam… or whatever happened. It’s amazing that many couples fail to communicate even at that simple level. They stay in the same house but they seldom talk. Don’t be like that. Communicate. Everyday greet one another with a hug, and talk about what happened during the day.This will become a habit that you enjoy. In addition to telling about your day, ask your partner. “ what happened in your life today?” That question is important. If a husband never ask his wife about her days, she wonders, “ Does he love me?”
We all like to be asked questions that show sincere interest.When anyone asks me questions about my work or my ideas, I think, “ Isn’t he friendly!”
In marriage too, we should use questions to show our interest in each other. Your marriage will improve as you simply talk about your day and ask each other questions. That is level 1. But don’t stop there,move on to level 2.
Level 2: Talk about us.Level 2 of communications is talking about us, our money, our children, our relatives, our plans for the future… for example, a husband can discuss with his wife questions such as: what school should our children attend? Should we ask my cousin to stay with us? Should we buy a new car?
One day Abner and Lydia were discussing his mother. As they talked, they began to disagree and quarrel.
In that case, what should they do? They should continue talking until they reach agreement. But Abner and Lydia didn’t do that instead, they stopped talking before reaching an agreement. After that they thought, “ To avoid another quarrel, we must not talk about his mother.”
Later they had a quarrell about money. Again they stopped talking before reaching an agreement. So they began avoiding the topic of money.
After many years they had many topics that they couldn’t talk about that killed their communication.
Level 3: Talk about our feelings. In level 3 we open the door of our heart,allowing our marriage partner to see our feelings. Stephen told his wife, “ today my brother got angry and shouted at me. And my father supported him” ( That report of what happened was level 1) Then Stephen and his wife discussed how his problem could be solved. ( That was level 2 because it involved us and our relatives) After that his wife asked; “ How do you feel now?” Stephen replied. “ I worry.I fear that our family relationships will decline.I also feel hurt because…” That sharing of feelings was level 3 communication.
When we communicate at level 3 our joys are doubled because the happiness of one becomes the happiness of the other. And our burdens are cut in half since we share the load.
Level 1: Talk about what happened each afternoon when you and your husband/wife arrive home, tell each other what happened during and after the day. Tell about the car accident you saw, or how your cousin passed his exam… or whatever happened. It’s amazing that many couples fail to communicate even at that simple level. They stay in the same house but they seldom talk. Don’t be like that. Communicate. Everyday greet one another with a hug, and talk about what happened during the day.This will become a habit that you enjoy. In addition to telling about your day, ask your partner. “ what happened in your life today?” That question is important. If a husband never ask his wife about her days, she wonders, “ Does he love me?”
We all like to be asked questions that show sincere interest.When anyone asks me questions about my work or my ideas, I think, “ Isn’t he friendly!”
In marriage too, we should use questions to show our interest in each other. Your marriage will improve as you simply talk about your day and ask each other questions. That is level 1. But don’t stop there,move on to level 2.
Level 2: Talk about us.Level 2 of communications is talking about us, our money, our children, our relatives, our plans for the future… for example, a husband can discuss with his wife questions such as: what school should our children attend? Should we ask my cousin to stay with us? Should we buy a new car?
One day Abner and Lydia were discussing his mother. As they talked, they began to disagree and quarrel.
In that case, what should they do? They should continue talking until they reach agreement. But Abner and Lydia didn’t do that instead, they stopped talking before reaching an agreement. After that they thought, “ To avoid another quarrel, we must not talk about his mother.”
Later they had a quarrell about money. Again they stopped talking before reaching an agreement. So they began avoiding the topic of money.
After many years they had many topics that they couldn’t talk about that killed their communication.
Level 3: Talk about our feelings. In level 3 we open the door of our heart,allowing our marriage partner to see our feelings. Stephen told his wife, “ today my brother got angry and shouted at me. And my father supported him” ( That report of what happened was level 1) Then Stephen and his wife discussed how his problem could be solved. ( That was level 2 because it involved us and our relatives) After that his wife asked; “ How do you feel now?” Stephen replied. “ I worry.I fear that our family relationships will decline.I also feel hurt because…” That sharing of feelings was level 3 communication.
When we communicate at level 3 our joys are doubled because the happiness of one becomes the happiness of the other. And our burdens are cut in half since we share the load.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Tips On How To Improve Your Interpersonal Relationships
Very few of us never have contact with the outside world or other people, and as a result, there is a relationship that is created whenever we interact with someone else. As time goes on, that relationship can remain stagnant, or as in the case of a love or dating relationship, that relationship can grow and flourish. But the real key to any meaningful relationship is effective communication between two people. That statement is every bit as true for interpersonal relationships as it is for business relationships, and also for the marital relationship between a husband and wife.
Effective communications cannot be stressed enough, especially in a marriage relationship. In today's world where both husband and wife are holding down at least full time if not part time jobs, things happen during the course of a normal day. But it is only at the end of the day when two people are relaxing that effective communications can take place. It doesn't matter how mundane, since even in mundane conversation you can learn a lot about another person, understanding what is important to them, what irritates them, and things they find enjoyable.
Suppose your partner is depressed about something, whether financial stress, job pressures, or anything else. How much time do you give to your partner to improve the mood? If your answer is "none or not much", you are running the risk of your relationship starting to deteriorate. The breakdown of a relationship does not happen overnight, but it is all these "missed opportunities" to show care, understanding, and support that all add up over time.
Respect is a key ingredient of any relationship. If you do not feel you can trust someone, your communications with them will be brief or nonexistent. There is no real relationship there. That type of relationship may be fine for the checkout clerk at the grocery store, but how many people have that kind of relationship with their spouse? The real answer to that question will probably scare you, but you have control over that and the fate of that relationship, even your marital relationship, rests squarely in your hands.
Trust is another key element of any relationship, which goes hand in hand with respect. You need to feel you can trust the person you are communicating with. If you don't have a level of trust with that person, even your spouse, then your communications will reflect that lack of trust. You won't elaborate on things you say, you won't go into details, and you will subconsciously leave out information that may leave you vulnerable to a future rebuttal or even attack from the other person.
Many times, especially in a marriage relationship, the three key elements of a relationship (communication, trust and respect) slowly start to erode over time. It is typically not a conscious thing, but it can happen if both spouses are not aware that they need to keep all levels of these elements at peak values consistently. So what happens as these components start to degrade? That relationship can develop into an abusive relationship. This is particularly difficult in a marriage relationship - when the checkout clerk at the grocery store abuses you, you can report them to their management or you can just decide to shop somewhere else. But in a marriage relationship, it is not nearly as clear-cut at that, nor nearly as simple. The marriage equivalent of "shopping somewhere else" is divorce, which although being a very drastic step, is sometimes the best solution for both parties when the respect, the trust, and the communications have degraded to the point where both parties are unwilling to put in enough time and effort that will be required to rebuild those elements.
Effective communications cannot be stressed enough, especially in a marriage relationship. In today's world where both husband and wife are holding down at least full time if not part time jobs, things happen during the course of a normal day. But it is only at the end of the day when two people are relaxing that effective communications can take place. It doesn't matter how mundane, since even in mundane conversation you can learn a lot about another person, understanding what is important to them, what irritates them, and things they find enjoyable.
Suppose your partner is depressed about something, whether financial stress, job pressures, or anything else. How much time do you give to your partner to improve the mood? If your answer is "none or not much", you are running the risk of your relationship starting to deteriorate. The breakdown of a relationship does not happen overnight, but it is all these "missed opportunities" to show care, understanding, and support that all add up over time.
Respect is a key ingredient of any relationship. If you do not feel you can trust someone, your communications with them will be brief or nonexistent. There is no real relationship there. That type of relationship may be fine for the checkout clerk at the grocery store, but how many people have that kind of relationship with their spouse? The real answer to that question will probably scare you, but you have control over that and the fate of that relationship, even your marital relationship, rests squarely in your hands.
Trust is another key element of any relationship, which goes hand in hand with respect. You need to feel you can trust the person you are communicating with. If you don't have a level of trust with that person, even your spouse, then your communications will reflect that lack of trust. You won't elaborate on things you say, you won't go into details, and you will subconsciously leave out information that may leave you vulnerable to a future rebuttal or even attack from the other person.
Many times, especially in a marriage relationship, the three key elements of a relationship (communication, trust and respect) slowly start to erode over time. It is typically not a conscious thing, but it can happen if both spouses are not aware that they need to keep all levels of these elements at peak values consistently. So what happens as these components start to degrade? That relationship can develop into an abusive relationship. This is particularly difficult in a marriage relationship - when the checkout clerk at the grocery store abuses you, you can report them to their management or you can just decide to shop somewhere else. But in a marriage relationship, it is not nearly as clear-cut at that, nor nearly as simple. The marriage equivalent of "shopping somewhere else" is divorce, which although being a very drastic step, is sometimes the best solution for both parties when the respect, the trust, and the communications have degraded to the point where both parties are unwilling to put in enough time and effort that will be required to rebuild those elements.
Friday, April 9, 2010
My Husband Does Not Love Me - What should I Do?
One of the most tasking emotions for a woman is when she suddenly realizes that her husband is no longer in love with her. If this is happening to you, here are the things you can do to make your husband love you again.
It is my firm belief that it is easier to make a man happy than for a man to make a woman happy. I believe this because men really don't ask for much. If they can camp out on the hard ground with the ants and other bugs how hard can they be to please? Yes, I know this sounds superficial but think about this for a moment. Have you noticed how much happier, and less stressed out your man is when he has his two most important needs met, sex and food?
It is also semi-true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. They love to eat and they love to eat good tasty meals. When their stomachs are full, and they have been taken care of physically, a man doesn't ask for much else.
Don't forget, the home is a man's castle. Knowing this, make every effort to keep his castle tidy and free of stressful situations that could upset his equilibrium. He has worked all day long and wants to come home to a loving and sweet wife, not a grouch and a TV dinner
Be appreciative of every little thing your man does around the house. Make your man feel like a man by being a woman. Give him a hug and a kiss where it counts, talk about your day together. Don't reject your husband sexually. Make him feel good about himself by telling him so. Respect him for who he is and what he does!
Basically, a woman needs validated and intimacy, and a man needs sex and good food. Find ways in which you can give of your self in the marriage by being more loving in these areas.
It is my firm belief that it is easier to make a man happy than for a man to make a woman happy. I believe this because men really don't ask for much. If they can camp out on the hard ground with the ants and other bugs how hard can they be to please? Yes, I know this sounds superficial but think about this for a moment. Have you noticed how much happier, and less stressed out your man is when he has his two most important needs met, sex and food?
It is also semi-true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. They love to eat and they love to eat good tasty meals. When their stomachs are full, and they have been taken care of physically, a man doesn't ask for much else.
Don't forget, the home is a man's castle. Knowing this, make every effort to keep his castle tidy and free of stressful situations that could upset his equilibrium. He has worked all day long and wants to come home to a loving and sweet wife, not a grouch and a TV dinner
Be appreciative of every little thing your man does around the house. Make your man feel like a man by being a woman. Give him a hug and a kiss where it counts, talk about your day together. Don't reject your husband sexually. Make him feel good about himself by telling him so. Respect him for who he is and what he does!
Basically, a woman needs validated and intimacy, and a man needs sex and good food. Find ways in which you can give of your self in the marriage by being more loving in these areas.
Friday, March 12, 2010
How to Handle Abandonment
We say, what'll I do if they leave and never come back? It's one of our greatest fears; abandonment! Watch the young baby when mum leaves the room; terror appears on its tiny face. Our memory records those traumatic moments and replays them later when an important relationship is disintegrating in our hands. (Who needs you?) False bravado: 'I can get along without you?' Revenge: I don't get mad,I get even'. When you are facing abandonment by someone you love and dread losing, remember:
1) Efforts to keep someone from abandoning you usually don't work. Begging, manipulating, tears and promises often intensify their determination to go.
2) At some point we all experience the heartbreak of losing someone we love or being disappointed in people.
3) The pain you feel is legitimate. Those who say you shouldn't feel this way are wrong. Acknowledging pain initiates the feeling-process. You can't heal what you won't feel or deal with. Anxiety is your greatest enemy when you face abandonment! It pushes you into all the wrong reactions: Learn to manage it or it'll bring about your worst fears.
Here are some guidelines to help you:
1) Stay out of the pursuer role. Most relationship have a 'pursuer' and a 'distancer'. When we feel vulnerable we fall into whichever role is characteristic and act it out. When one distances, the other pursues, and vice versa. The problem is, when you pursue a distance and they get anxious, distancing more, it increases your anxiety and pushes you to pursue more, the vicious cycle. Though it will feel unnatural, by faith, decide to stop pursuing. You'll decrease the distancer's anxiety and invite them to stop distancing. Letting go is frightening and feels as though it might encourage them to leave. It won't necessarily but holding on will, managing your anxiety calls on you to do what you fears but it will reduce the anxiety level!
2) Control your anxiety-inducing self-talk. Your anxiety is being caused by your thought and self-talk, not your partner or circumstances. Saying, Oh, I'll die if he or she leaves me generates and magnifies fear. Construct a helpful self talk list. If he leaves; it'll hurt, but with the help of God and family, I'll get through it. Factor God in; He's the changer of hearts and minds. Lean on Him and He will lessen your anxiety and increase your peace and confidence.
1) Efforts to keep someone from abandoning you usually don't work. Begging, manipulating, tears and promises often intensify their determination to go.
2) At some point we all experience the heartbreak of losing someone we love or being disappointed in people.
3) The pain you feel is legitimate. Those who say you shouldn't feel this way are wrong. Acknowledging pain initiates the feeling-process. You can't heal what you won't feel or deal with. Anxiety is your greatest enemy when you face abandonment! It pushes you into all the wrong reactions: Learn to manage it or it'll bring about your worst fears.
Here are some guidelines to help you:
1) Stay out of the pursuer role. Most relationship have a 'pursuer' and a 'distancer'. When we feel vulnerable we fall into whichever role is characteristic and act it out. When one distances, the other pursues, and vice versa. The problem is, when you pursue a distance and they get anxious, distancing more, it increases your anxiety and pushes you to pursue more, the vicious cycle. Though it will feel unnatural, by faith, decide to stop pursuing. You'll decrease the distancer's anxiety and invite them to stop distancing. Letting go is frightening and feels as though it might encourage them to leave. It won't necessarily but holding on will, managing your anxiety calls on you to do what you fears but it will reduce the anxiety level!
2) Control your anxiety-inducing self-talk. Your anxiety is being caused by your thought and self-talk, not your partner or circumstances. Saying, Oh, I'll die if he or she leaves me generates and magnifies fear. Construct a helpful self talk list. If he leaves; it'll hurt, but with the help of God and family, I'll get through it. Factor God in; He's the changer of hearts and minds. Lean on Him and He will lessen your anxiety and increase your peace and confidence.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
What to Do When the Sizzle Fizzles
Here are three R 's' that work in our marriages.First;Remember.Remember the height from which you have fallen! Not the depth,but the height,Not how bad it becomes but how great it once was.Not the worst of times,but the best.Recall when just being together was the highlight of your whole day? What were you doing then that you're not doing now? Do you remember when you phoned just to hear his voice? The gifts you couldn't afford,but bought her? The love notes you slipped into his lunch?
Remember opening doors for her,pulling out chairs,walking to the outside of the curbkerb,cooking his favourite dish although you were exhausted from working late,reading 1001 ways to be romantic,and tying them all twice? Remember guiet candlelit dinners when you shaved again and wore her favourite cologne,the one you hated? When intimacy wasn't all about me? Our special palces,times,smells,looks,songs,poems. Arose on her tray with breakfast in bed because she had cried when she heard the song,you don't bring me flowers anymore and you vowed you'd never forget the flowers?
Remember! Remember what you did for love.The magic may seem to have appeared by accident,but it actually grew by action! You were the magic.What you did fuelled the romance,then you stopped doing it and the flame subsided.But the pilot light still burns and remembering the heights release positive,faith-inspiring chemistry that can move you to actions that will fan the flame into a fire again!
Remember opening doors for her,pulling out chairs,walking to the outside of the curbkerb,cooking his favourite dish although you were exhausted from working late,reading 1001 ways to be romantic,and tying them all twice? Remember guiet candlelit dinners when you shaved again and wore her favourite cologne,the one you hated? When intimacy wasn't all about me? Our special palces,times,smells,looks,songs,poems. Arose on her tray with breakfast in bed because she had cried when she heard the song,you don't bring me flowers anymore and you vowed you'd never forget the flowers?
Remember! Remember what you did for love.The magic may seem to have appeared by accident,but it actually grew by action! You were the magic.What you did fuelled the romance,then you stopped doing it and the flame subsided.But the pilot light still burns and remembering the heights release positive,faith-inspiring chemistry that can move you to actions that will fan the flame into a fire again!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Healing Wounded Relationship3
There are no painless,foolproof quarantees;healing a relationship involves shared effort and risk.I have to trust that ultimately you’ll forgive me and put the offence behind you and you have to believe that I;m sincere about changing.Healing wounded relationships is a two-person job.your job is to work at trusting me again and mine is to provide you with evidence that I’m trusthworthy when we do that we invite one another’s co-operation,encourage each other and shorthen the distance that separates us.Making a relationship work means deciding you have real and positive options and both committing to them.If your betrayal caused the wounds,you can make your own job easier by becoming more accountable.By voluntarily keeping your partner in the loop about your schedule without having to quiz you,you graduate from being the bad guy to becoming a full-fledged team member,pursuing a mutual game plan so you can both win.By agreeing to self-police you also remove the resentment one partner feels when the other one monitors them.In other words,it relieves them of the dirty work of micromanaging you and spares you the humiliation of feeling like you’re always under the micro scope.On the other hand,if you are the wounded party you can makeyour mate’sjob easier by letting them know you value the relationship enough to make it work by keeping up your end.Tell them you appreciate their efforts.
Healing Wounded Relationship 2
Just siting waiting for healing to happen doesn’t help;it only lengthens the process,working to become a positive influence is what moves things forward.If you want to help:
a)listen:when your loved one needs to talk,listen without trying to defend,explain,rationalize or excuse your behaviour.Don’t try to correct their misperceptions or lessen their pain by minimissing it.
b)Validate:Don’t tell somebody you should’t feel that way,when people talk about their pain.often they’re doing the work necessary to help them heal.By letting them know their feelings are legitimate rather than making them feel weak or silly,you enable them to through the negative emotions
c)Apologise:Yes,again.whoever said, ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry, ‘didn’t know much about human relationships.Every genuine apology promotes healing.A heartfelt I’m sorry is medicine to a wounded soul.So apply until it’s no longer needed and your loved one will let youknow when that is.
d)Repair:offer to help repair the hurt you’ve caused. ‘I know I’ve wounded you,and I really want to know what I can do to help heal the damage.Genuinely spoken,those words realign and make you part of the solution,not just the cause of the problem.
a)listen:when your loved one needs to talk,listen without trying to defend,explain,rationalize or excuse your behaviour.Don’t try to correct their misperceptions or lessen their pain by minimissing it.
b)Validate:Don’t tell somebody you should’t feel that way,when people talk about their pain.often they’re doing the work necessary to help them heal.By letting them know their feelings are legitimate rather than making them feel weak or silly,you enable them to through the negative emotions
c)Apologise:Yes,again.whoever said, ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry, ‘didn’t know much about human relationships.Every genuine apology promotes healing.A heartfelt I’m sorry is medicine to a wounded soul.So apply until it’s no longer needed and your loved one will let youknow when that is.
d)Repair:offer to help repair the hurt you’ve caused. ‘I know I’ve wounded you,and I really want to know what I can do to help heal the damage.Genuinely spoken,those words realign and make you part of the solution,not just the cause of the problem.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Healing Wounded Relationships 1
It happens everyday.May be It’s happening right now in your once-happy home.Unrealistic expectations,Infidelity and broken promises destroying the dream of life-long love nad trust.Thankfully,God is the Healer of broken relationship and violated trust.When someone you love is hurting:
1) Give it time:Healing is a process,not an event.wounds of the heart heal slowly.May be you’re thinking, ‘but I’ve apologized over and over.How long will it take them to let it go and start trusting me again? It takes as long as it takes! Demanding the other person to heal on your schedule only delays the process, ‘But if they really forgave me they wouldn’t keep bringing it up.’ Not so.when your loved one can bring it up without you getting upset healing will happen faster.
2) Don’t expect things to be normal for now.They don’t be and that’s normal! Ever notice how you automatically protect an injured limb against knocks and bumps? It’s a nutural,instinctive reaction.The fact is that the one who caused the pain may be ready for business as usual but for the wounded, ‘normal’ feels way too vulnerable right now.By lowering your expectations and giving them space,you ‘ll hasten and promote the healing process
3) Remember,people heal at different rates.There is a time,,to weep..a time to laugh…a time to refrain.Be sensitive
1) Give it time:Healing is a process,not an event.wounds of the heart heal slowly.May be you’re thinking, ‘but I’ve apologized over and over.How long will it take them to let it go and start trusting me again? It takes as long as it takes! Demanding the other person to heal on your schedule only delays the process, ‘But if they really forgave me they wouldn’t keep bringing it up.’ Not so.when your loved one can bring it up without you getting upset healing will happen faster.
2) Don’t expect things to be normal for now.They don’t be and that’s normal! Ever notice how you automatically protect an injured limb against knocks and bumps? It’s a nutural,instinctive reaction.The fact is that the one who caused the pain may be ready for business as usual but for the wounded, ‘normal’ feels way too vulnerable right now.By lowering your expectations and giving them space,you ‘ll hasten and promote the healing process
3) Remember,people heal at different rates.There is a time,,to weep..a time to laugh…a time to refrain.Be sensitive
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Symbiosis-The Best Form Of Relationship
The term relationship could be defined as the way in which two people,groups or countries behave towards each other or deal with each other.It could also be seen as a loving or sexual friendship between two people.It is the way in which two or more things or people are connected to each other.No man is an Island,he cannot but relate with others various reasons.Some go into it for the fun of it,without gaining anything or loosing anything while others go into it for their own benefits,fulfillment,self realization and growth(spiritually,physically and emotionally) and also for the total good of the other person with whom they are into the relationship.
Three Forms Of Realtionship
1)Parasitism:This is a form of relationship whereby a party to a relationship gains while the other loose completely.It is a one sided relationship,guided by the principle of survival of the fittest.In this form of relationship,each party to it is only concern with it’s personal or individual well being without thinking of the other,or considering the effects of his or her action on the other party to relationship.A good example of such is that which exist between boyfriend and girlfriend.The boy’s major focus is on how to satisfy his sexual peasure as fast or as much as he can without considering the effect of his action or plans on the girlfriend.Here,deception is th name of the game.The girl also will try all she can to pursue her hidden agendas,try to exploit the boy financially or materially quickly as possible since there is no assurance that the boy will marry her or even dump her for another girl.
People that go into this form of relationship often end it in pain,agony and bitterness.The unfortunate part of it all is that even married couples practice this form of destructive relationship.The husband struggles to get what he want and vise versa.I once had a neighbor who is a drunk whenever he collects his salary he will run away from home and spend the money with his concubines.As soon as the money finishes,he will return back to his house;waiting for the wife to struggle and provide food and other needs of the family.Everynight He will demand sex from the wife without thinking of wether the wife has eaten some thing or not,wether she is ill or she is in a safe period.Is this a good relationship? No.It is a bad form of relationship.
Communism: This is a form in which two organism live or move together without neither benefiting from each other nor losing anything to each other.It is a form of relationship that operates on the principle of everybody to himself or herself.Here,there is no mutual benefits and there is no lost on either side.a lot of people live together without being concern with the good and well being of one another in anyway.They don’t destroy,they don’t repair,they don’t contruct,they live a life of everybody to himself.some couples live together in the house,but they don’t talk to each other as a result of some arguments or misunderstanding which they are unable to resolve due to pride and arrogance.The man decides not to bother himself about the wife and vise versa.Is this form of relationship good? No.It is a bad form of relationship.
Symbiosis:This is a relationship of mutual benefits,love,concern nad care.It is a form of relationship where the two parties to it always struggle to protect the interest and well being of each other;no matter the cost.Here,each of either of the parties feel incomplete without the presence of the other.Both parties benefits equally and also lose equally as the case may be.This is the form of relationship that God designed and intended for all manking.That all mankind should always live and collaborate with one another,protect one another and care greatly about one another well being and goodness.Never to plan evil against one another,but try to contribute positively to the growth of the entire human race.If the entire human race accepts this form of relationship,the world will definitely become a better palce to live in,because we will all be working hard fro the good ang growth of one another which will in turn culminate in the peaceful and harmonius co-existence of all human beings.And it is much more recommended for couples.This is due to the fact thet marriage as a bond unites the man and the woman as one.This is a relationship of trust,sincerity,understanding and openness,embrace it.
Three Forms Of Realtionship
1)Parasitism:This is a form of relationship whereby a party to a relationship gains while the other loose completely.It is a one sided relationship,guided by the principle of survival of the fittest.In this form of relationship,each party to it is only concern with it’s personal or individual well being without thinking of the other,or considering the effects of his or her action on the other party to relationship.A good example of such is that which exist between boyfriend and girlfriend.The boy’s major focus is on how to satisfy his sexual peasure as fast or as much as he can without considering the effect of his action or plans on the girlfriend.Here,deception is th name of the game.The girl also will try all she can to pursue her hidden agendas,try to exploit the boy financially or materially quickly as possible since there is no assurance that the boy will marry her or even dump her for another girl.
People that go into this form of relationship often end it in pain,agony and bitterness.The unfortunate part of it all is that even married couples practice this form of destructive relationship.The husband struggles to get what he want and vise versa.I once had a neighbor who is a drunk whenever he collects his salary he will run away from home and spend the money with his concubines.As soon as the money finishes,he will return back to his house;waiting for the wife to struggle and provide food and other needs of the family.Everynight He will demand sex from the wife without thinking of wether the wife has eaten some thing or not,wether she is ill or she is in a safe period.Is this a good relationship? No.It is a bad form of relationship.
Communism: This is a form in which two organism live or move together without neither benefiting from each other nor losing anything to each other.It is a form of relationship that operates on the principle of everybody to himself or herself.Here,there is no mutual benefits and there is no lost on either side.a lot of people live together without being concern with the good and well being of one another in anyway.They don’t destroy,they don’t repair,they don’t contruct,they live a life of everybody to himself.some couples live together in the house,but they don’t talk to each other as a result of some arguments or misunderstanding which they are unable to resolve due to pride and arrogance.The man decides not to bother himself about the wife and vise versa.Is this form of relationship good? No.It is a bad form of relationship.
Symbiosis:This is a relationship of mutual benefits,love,concern nad care.It is a form of relationship where the two parties to it always struggle to protect the interest and well being of each other;no matter the cost.Here,each of either of the parties feel incomplete without the presence of the other.Both parties benefits equally and also lose equally as the case may be.This is the form of relationship that God designed and intended for all manking.That all mankind should always live and collaborate with one another,protect one another and care greatly about one another well being and goodness.Never to plan evil against one another,but try to contribute positively to the growth of the entire human race.If the entire human race accepts this form of relationship,the world will definitely become a better palce to live in,because we will all be working hard fro the good ang growth of one another which will in turn culminate in the peaceful and harmonius co-existence of all human beings.And it is much more recommended for couples.This is due to the fact thet marriage as a bond unites the man and the woman as one.This is a relationship of trust,sincerity,understanding and openness,embrace it.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
How To Surprise Someone You Love On Valentine's Day
Do you feel like sending a surprise to someone or people you love on valentine's day But you do not know how to keep them from finding out that it was you and you do not want to be caught. And you have no idea what you would even do to surprise them. Here are tips on to surprise someone you love.
1. A Singing Telegram is a full tradition that has been used in many of movie lines. Send a bear, clown or old lady to sing a personalized song.
2. Sending flowers is still a timeless gift and wonderful idea. There are many types of flowers from the rose to exotic plants that can be delivered worldwide right online.
3. Cookie Bouquets are a yummy treat to send someone and a great fun idea. Include a special sweet message with their sweet treat.
4. Send a chef as a surprise to cook someone a special meal as a surprise.
5.A Lawn Greeting is the best way to surprise someone and they do all the work. Someone will go out between midnight and seven in the morning. They will place flamingos, cows, hearts, flowers, old age signs and more in the front yard. There is also a large message card that is personalized with a special message that you pick. The lawn greeting will stay in the yard until evening and the lawn greeting company picks up the signs. Let them know you do not want the person to know who it is from and they will keep it a secret.
1. A Singing Telegram is a full tradition that has been used in many of movie lines. Send a bear, clown or old lady to sing a personalized song.
2. Sending flowers is still a timeless gift and wonderful idea. There are many types of flowers from the rose to exotic plants that can be delivered worldwide right online.
3. Cookie Bouquets are a yummy treat to send someone and a great fun idea. Include a special sweet message with their sweet treat.
4. Send a chef as a surprise to cook someone a special meal as a surprise.
5.A Lawn Greeting is the best way to surprise someone and they do all the work. Someone will go out between midnight and seven in the morning. They will place flamingos, cows, hearts, flowers, old age signs and more in the front yard. There is also a large message card that is personalized with a special message that you pick. The lawn greeting will stay in the yard until evening and the lawn greeting company picks up the signs. Let them know you do not want the person to know who it is from and they will keep it a secret.
Monday, January 11, 2010
7 Myths About Creating a Better Relationship
Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions about having a better relationship.
Myth 1 I have to love everything about my partner
Reality Check 1
You were born pure and pristine. You then learnt behaviors from your parents, teacher, coaches, church etc. (who did their best to teach you about a better relationship). These behaviors have become the backbone for your way of living and having a better relationship.
Perhaps a common behavior that irritates having a better relationship would be leaving the toilet seat up after use. This is merely a behavior and not the essence of the person. However, when you may consider this behavior to be the person, this destroys the concept of a better relationship, creating all kinds of conflict in your need for a better relationship.
Myth 2 Love means that I can fix your partner
Reality Check 2
You met your partner because of some special quality or charteristic that you admired. You need to accept and allow that quality to flourish in order to allow you and your partner to grow into a better relationship.
You may be unaware that you do not even like yourself. Yet by allowing your partner to grow and expand, you will experience the quality of your partner and the beauty within you, as you begin to enjoy a better relationship.
Myth 3
I am supposed to give up the things I like in order to be in a better relationship.
Reality Check 3
Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship is like take a knife and cutting away a part of yourself. Your better relationship is based on the uniqueness of you and your partner.
When you give up your uniqueness you rob yourself of a better relationship, your passion and your partner of your creativity.
Myth 4 I will be rescued by a knight in shining armour
Reality Check 4
You may have been conditioned to live your life expecting someone to take care of you. What happens if that person becomes ill? and is no longer able to take care of you.
Your responsibility in creating a better relationship, is to bring your passion to the table of your relationship. Some days you will be the knight in shining armour and another day your partner will be the knight in shining armour of a better relationship. You will each get a chance to shine like star in a better relationship because of your strengths and weaknesses.
Myth 5 It cost a lot to be in a relationship
Reality Check 5
In a material context, a better relationship can be expensive if you think that love is based on the bigger house, car or boat. Although some of these material assets are necessary, they should not be at the expense of creating a better relationship.
Love is creating a better relationship by building a relationship that is based on the simple things in life, like walking and holding hands, going on a picnic (just the two of you), or sharing an ice cream. Love in a better relationship is not about what you show on the outside but what you express in you heart. Love is not about money or materialism, love just is.
Myth 6 Love in a relationship is or is not a feeling
Reality Check 6
It is not what you say, it is what you do. You can say, "I love you" which may be merely words and no feelings (action). Love is the action of doing.
If you make a cup of tea for yourself, (the water is boiled), make a cup of tea for your partner. Whether your partner wants the tea or not is irrelevant, it is the thought that counts and the action that cements a better relationship.
Myth 7 I don't have to work at my relationship
Reality Check 7
As a child, you learned to creep before you walked. Then you learned the letters of the alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to put those letters together to make words and sentences.
Myth 1 I have to love everything about my partner
Reality Check 1
You were born pure and pristine. You then learnt behaviors from your parents, teacher, coaches, church etc. (who did their best to teach you about a better relationship). These behaviors have become the backbone for your way of living and having a better relationship.
Perhaps a common behavior that irritates having a better relationship would be leaving the toilet seat up after use. This is merely a behavior and not the essence of the person. However, when you may consider this behavior to be the person, this destroys the concept of a better relationship, creating all kinds of conflict in your need for a better relationship.
Myth 2 Love means that I can fix your partner
Reality Check 2
You met your partner because of some special quality or charteristic that you admired. You need to accept and allow that quality to flourish in order to allow you and your partner to grow into a better relationship.
You may be unaware that you do not even like yourself. Yet by allowing your partner to grow and expand, you will experience the quality of your partner and the beauty within you, as you begin to enjoy a better relationship.
Myth 3
I am supposed to give up the things I like in order to be in a better relationship.
Reality Check 3
Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship is like take a knife and cutting away a part of yourself. Your better relationship is based on the uniqueness of you and your partner.
When you give up your uniqueness you rob yourself of a better relationship, your passion and your partner of your creativity.
Myth 4 I will be rescued by a knight in shining armour
Reality Check 4
You may have been conditioned to live your life expecting someone to take care of you. What happens if that person becomes ill? and is no longer able to take care of you.
Your responsibility in creating a better relationship, is to bring your passion to the table of your relationship. Some days you will be the knight in shining armour and another day your partner will be the knight in shining armour of a better relationship. You will each get a chance to shine like star in a better relationship because of your strengths and weaknesses.
Myth 5 It cost a lot to be in a relationship
Reality Check 5
In a material context, a better relationship can be expensive if you think that love is based on the bigger house, car or boat. Although some of these material assets are necessary, they should not be at the expense of creating a better relationship.
Love is creating a better relationship by building a relationship that is based on the simple things in life, like walking and holding hands, going on a picnic (just the two of you), or sharing an ice cream. Love in a better relationship is not about what you show on the outside but what you express in you heart. Love is not about money or materialism, love just is.
Myth 6 Love in a relationship is or is not a feeling
Reality Check 6
It is not what you say, it is what you do. You can say, "I love you" which may be merely words and no feelings (action). Love is the action of doing.
If you make a cup of tea for yourself, (the water is boiled), make a cup of tea for your partner. Whether your partner wants the tea or not is irrelevant, it is the thought that counts and the action that cements a better relationship.
Myth 7 I don't have to work at my relationship
Reality Check 7
As a child, you learned to creep before you walked. Then you learned the letters of the alphabet. In order to write, you had to learn how to put those letters together to make words and sentences.
Relationships - 9 Never-Changing Rules
In a relationship, your ability to understand and respond to the other person's needs and desires are fundamental. Understanding the nature of relationships themselves may be as important to your success in love as understanding the person with whom you're having the relationship.
The key to a working relationship is twofold. First you need to work on a relationship day in and day out. Second you need the right information to pinpoint where the relationship needs work. Without this information you’re simply assuming and assumptions are the enemy to any healthy relationship.
From puppy love to winter romances, the following is true of all relationships
1. Relationships Don't Just Happen
Relationships aren't accidents that come out of nowhere; you create them and you have to make an effort to maintain them. Remember that the time you invest in others will always pay off.
2. Relationships are Need-based.
Everyone has their own personal needs and desires; your job is to figure out those needs since some may be unexpressed verbally. Not an easy task, therefore you have to focus on your partner. Ask how you can respond to a desire that she or he has.
3. Relationships Don't Hold a Grudge
Despite the use of terms like "perfect match," and "perfect couple," the idea of a perfect relationship is perfectly ridiculous. We all make mistakes dealing with other people, so it's important to be overlooked and/or forgive imperfections in others in order to build strong relationships.
4. Relationships That Endure Take Time
Relationships are formed with long-term goals in mind. This means that deep relationships will evolve slowly because the stakes -- a life partner -- are so great. In this instance, "haste makes waste" and divorce…or at least an ugly break-up.
5. Relationships are As Unique as the Folks That Are In 'Em.
No two people are the same and so no two relationships are the same. Your relationships will deepen and strengthen, if you can accept the uniqueness of others as a precious gift.
6. Relationships Build You Up.
"My partner brings out the best in me," is the way most people define the partner that they love. Relationships are built on encouragement, so always try to make your partner feel good, even if you're urging them beyond their comfort zone to a new level of intimacy.
7. Relationships Are Essential.
It may be a dog eat dog world out there, but man is still a "pack animal," looking for positive healthy relationships. Once you understand that nothing is more important than people, you'll communicate that supportive message in everything you do.
8. Relationships Are For Two.
There is no such thing as a one-person relationship. For a relationship to thrive it requires cooperation from both parties, otherwise it's unrequited love (at best) and stalking (at worst). You can't have a relationship with someone who isn't interested in having one with you.
9. Relationships are Greater Than the Sum of Their Parts.
In good relationships there is energy -- your energy and your partners. This energy pushes each of you to strive to make the relationship work as individuals, and it also drives you to a shared excellence.
Armed with these rules you should be able to create and maintain a healthy relationship. Some caution on this topic. Just because you live and breathe these rules doesn’t mean that your relationship will be better or a broken relationship will be fixed. Every situation is unique and requires different approaches. Use these rules as a guide and as a guide only.
Unfortunately a small article can’t do justice on the wide spectrum of creating and maintaining a working relationship. You will get the complete picture and step by step explanations in Race Kale’s new book “The Power of Charisma”.
The key to a working relationship is twofold. First you need to work on a relationship day in and day out. Second you need the right information to pinpoint where the relationship needs work. Without this information you’re simply assuming and assumptions are the enemy to any healthy relationship.
From puppy love to winter romances, the following is true of all relationships
1. Relationships Don't Just Happen
Relationships aren't accidents that come out of nowhere; you create them and you have to make an effort to maintain them. Remember that the time you invest in others will always pay off.
2. Relationships are Need-based.
Everyone has their own personal needs and desires; your job is to figure out those needs since some may be unexpressed verbally. Not an easy task, therefore you have to focus on your partner. Ask how you can respond to a desire that she or he has.
3. Relationships Don't Hold a Grudge
Despite the use of terms like "perfect match," and "perfect couple," the idea of a perfect relationship is perfectly ridiculous. We all make mistakes dealing with other people, so it's important to be overlooked and/or forgive imperfections in others in order to build strong relationships.
4. Relationships That Endure Take Time
Relationships are formed with long-term goals in mind. This means that deep relationships will evolve slowly because the stakes -- a life partner -- are so great. In this instance, "haste makes waste" and divorce…or at least an ugly break-up.
5. Relationships are As Unique as the Folks That Are In 'Em.
No two people are the same and so no two relationships are the same. Your relationships will deepen and strengthen, if you can accept the uniqueness of others as a precious gift.
6. Relationships Build You Up.
"My partner brings out the best in me," is the way most people define the partner that they love. Relationships are built on encouragement, so always try to make your partner feel good, even if you're urging them beyond their comfort zone to a new level of intimacy.
7. Relationships Are Essential.
It may be a dog eat dog world out there, but man is still a "pack animal," looking for positive healthy relationships. Once you understand that nothing is more important than people, you'll communicate that supportive message in everything you do.
8. Relationships Are For Two.
There is no such thing as a one-person relationship. For a relationship to thrive it requires cooperation from both parties, otherwise it's unrequited love (at best) and stalking (at worst). You can't have a relationship with someone who isn't interested in having one with you.
9. Relationships are Greater Than the Sum of Their Parts.
In good relationships there is energy -- your energy and your partners. This energy pushes each of you to strive to make the relationship work as individuals, and it also drives you to a shared excellence.
Armed with these rules you should be able to create and maintain a healthy relationship. Some caution on this topic. Just because you live and breathe these rules doesn’t mean that your relationship will be better or a broken relationship will be fixed. Every situation is unique and requires different approaches. Use these rules as a guide and as a guide only.
Unfortunately a small article can’t do justice on the wide spectrum of creating and maintaining a working relationship. You will get the complete picture and step by step explanations in Race Kale’s new book “The Power of Charisma”.
Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships
One of the keys to obtaining a better life or living arrangement is to assess the quality of relationships that you surround yourself with. Do you surround yourself with loving relationships or unhealthy relationships? For someone that has a pattern or history with unhealthy relationships, the difference between the two may be difficult to decipher.
Healthy relationships are relationships that add to our well being, not subtract. They bring out the best of us by being supportive of our goals and our inner selves. Unhealthy relationships often cause us stress and subtract from our well being, often leaving us feeling depleted of energy.
Common symptoms of unhealthy relationships include sickness, stress, and a negative outlook of ourselves and our world around us. People who are accustomed to unhealthy relationships often stay cornered in situations like this because they do not recognize that there is another way of living. They might continue the unhealthy relationship indefinitely and never seek a better way of life for themselves or they may leave the unhealthy relationship, but not the pattern.
The life pattern is essentially the root of the problem. The pattern may have stemmed from family upbringing or any other form of influential relationship. The key is to recognize the behavior and identify where it is coming from.
A creative way to assess your patterns is to write it down. Take out a notebook that you know you will keep for years to come. Write down all the major relationships that you have had in your life. Your earliest form of relationship more than likely was a family member or someone acting in this form. Note how they showed you love. Then note how you reciprocated that love. Continue in a chronological order with any additional relationships you have had, i.e. friends, personal and love relationships.
Next make a column on your right hand side. Re-read your assessments in order, as you read through them determine whether they were healthy or unhealthy and mark it down in your right hand column. Having an overview of your relationships right before your eyes makes it easier to ‘look’ at. You may actually bring issues to attention that you were not aware of before. For some this may even be a rather emotional exercise, but be reminded it is an exercise encouraging growth and healthy behavior.
Whatever your circumstance take time to assess your own involvements and choices with relationships. Do you always pick a controlling relationship? Or do you always pick a relationship where you are the enabler? Are you respecting your own boundaries while you are in a relationship or are they being sacrificed? Are you always compromising your time and energy to please another? Or are you always compromising your morals or beliefs? Are you maintaining a balance with yourself and other activities? Or are you focusing so much on the other person that you are not taking care of other obligations and priorities?
Healthy relationships are relationships that add to our well being, not subtract. They bring out the best of us by being supportive of our goals and our inner selves. Unhealthy relationships often cause us stress and subtract from our well being, often leaving us feeling depleted of energy.
Common symptoms of unhealthy relationships include sickness, stress, and a negative outlook of ourselves and our world around us. People who are accustomed to unhealthy relationships often stay cornered in situations like this because they do not recognize that there is another way of living. They might continue the unhealthy relationship indefinitely and never seek a better way of life for themselves or they may leave the unhealthy relationship, but not the pattern.
The life pattern is essentially the root of the problem. The pattern may have stemmed from family upbringing or any other form of influential relationship. The key is to recognize the behavior and identify where it is coming from.
A creative way to assess your patterns is to write it down. Take out a notebook that you know you will keep for years to come. Write down all the major relationships that you have had in your life. Your earliest form of relationship more than likely was a family member or someone acting in this form. Note how they showed you love. Then note how you reciprocated that love. Continue in a chronological order with any additional relationships you have had, i.e. friends, personal and love relationships.
Next make a column on your right hand side. Re-read your assessments in order, as you read through them determine whether they were healthy or unhealthy and mark it down in your right hand column. Having an overview of your relationships right before your eyes makes it easier to ‘look’ at. You may actually bring issues to attention that you were not aware of before. For some this may even be a rather emotional exercise, but be reminded it is an exercise encouraging growth and healthy behavior.
Whatever your circumstance take time to assess your own involvements and choices with relationships. Do you always pick a controlling relationship? Or do you always pick a relationship where you are the enabler? Are you respecting your own boundaries while you are in a relationship or are they being sacrificed? Are you always compromising your time and energy to please another? Or are you always compromising your morals or beliefs? Are you maintaining a balance with yourself and other activities? Or are you focusing so much on the other person that you are not taking care of other obligations and priorities?
Relationships - Balancing the Male and Female Within Ourselves
Which of us hasn't dreamed of finally finding and keeping our perfect relationship? What if we are in a partnership that is confusing and always changing? How do we cope with the loss and heartache relationships can sometimes bring? What if we don't seem to be attracting any kind of intimate interactions at all?
The working dynamics of good relationships are for many of us one of the greatest mysteries of life. It is a secret each of us seeks to unravel from the day we are aware there is more than one of us around. Why do interpersonal interactions -- something we are all engaged in every day, every minute, every second of our lives -- sometimes seem so challenging, complicated, confusing, difficult, and mysterious?
The quality of our partnerships with others actually reflects the quality of the relationships we have with ourselves. Do we know who we are, and do we like who that is? Do we believe we are worthy and deserve unconditional love? While we may know how we would like someone to love us, do we love ourselves that way already? Do we trust and accept all parts of ourselves? The bottom line for most all of us is we simply would like to be loved and accepted for who we are, for our real selves.
MALE AND FEMALE TEMPLATES
As we change our inner definition or template of our male and female selves to a place of balance and self-acceptance, we are able to attract someone who is more reflective of our true counterpart. Even if we are balanced with our inner masculine reflection, if we do not like our own femininity, we would be unable to create a truly balanced relationship for ourselves.
One aspect many people do not give much thought to is that we look to our partners to reflect aspects of ourselves back to us. For example, if we are a woman, our partner is holding a place for us so we can better understand the feminine part of ourselves. If we are a male, our partner is holding a place for us to understand the masculine part of ourselves. Although this may be the opposite way most people view their relationships, how, if we were a woman, would we be better able to understand what type of woman we were unless someone could reflect it back to us as we interact with them?
THE TASK OF ANY RELATIONSHIP
The task of any relationship is always to find ourselves, to understand ourselves, to be the complete and natural selves we already are. The only true relationship we ever really have is the one we have with ourselves. Everything else, every other interaction, whether we might realize it or not, is simply a reflection. As long as we resist being our natural, balanced selves, the real us, we continue to always attract relationships that will serve to remind us of what and who we are not. Resisting who we are will, therefore, usually attracts relationships that are unfulfilling, or ones where we have to work very hard. By being fully and completely who we are, we then attract relationships that reflect back to us the fullness of our creative being. It is the age old adage: What we put out is what we get back.
The working dynamics of good relationships are for many of us one of the greatest mysteries of life. It is a secret each of us seeks to unravel from the day we are aware there is more than one of us around. Why do interpersonal interactions -- something we are all engaged in every day, every minute, every second of our lives -- sometimes seem so challenging, complicated, confusing, difficult, and mysterious?
The quality of our partnerships with others actually reflects the quality of the relationships we have with ourselves. Do we know who we are, and do we like who that is? Do we believe we are worthy and deserve unconditional love? While we may know how we would like someone to love us, do we love ourselves that way already? Do we trust and accept all parts of ourselves? The bottom line for most all of us is we simply would like to be loved and accepted for who we are, for our real selves.
MALE AND FEMALE TEMPLATES
As we change our inner definition or template of our male and female selves to a place of balance and self-acceptance, we are able to attract someone who is more reflective of our true counterpart. Even if we are balanced with our inner masculine reflection, if we do not like our own femininity, we would be unable to create a truly balanced relationship for ourselves.
One aspect many people do not give much thought to is that we look to our partners to reflect aspects of ourselves back to us. For example, if we are a woman, our partner is holding a place for us so we can better understand the feminine part of ourselves. If we are a male, our partner is holding a place for us to understand the masculine part of ourselves. Although this may be the opposite way most people view their relationships, how, if we were a woman, would we be better able to understand what type of woman we were unless someone could reflect it back to us as we interact with them?
THE TASK OF ANY RELATIONSHIP
The task of any relationship is always to find ourselves, to understand ourselves, to be the complete and natural selves we already are. The only true relationship we ever really have is the one we have with ourselves. Everything else, every other interaction, whether we might realize it or not, is simply a reflection. As long as we resist being our natural, balanced selves, the real us, we continue to always attract relationships that will serve to remind us of what and who we are not. Resisting who we are will, therefore, usually attracts relationships that are unfulfilling, or ones where we have to work very hard. By being fully and completely who we are, we then attract relationships that reflect back to us the fullness of our creative being. It is the age old adage: What we put out is what we get back.
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