Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Healing Wounded Relationship3

There are no painless,foolproof quarantees;healing a relationship involves shared effort and risk.I have to trust that ultimately you’ll forgive me and put the offence behind you and you have to believe that I;m sincere about changing.Healing wounded relationships is a two-person job.your job is to work at trusting me again and mine is to provide you with evidence that I’m trusthworthy when we do that we invite one another’s co-operation,encourage each other and shorthen the distance that separates us.Making a relationship work means deciding you have real and positive options and both committing to them.If your betrayal caused the wounds,you can make your own job easier by becoming more accountable.By voluntarily keeping your partner in the loop about your schedule without having to quiz you,you graduate from being the bad guy to becoming a full-fledged team member,pursuing a mutual game plan so you can both win.By agreeing to self-police you also remove the resentment one partner feels when the other one monitors them.In other words,it relieves them of the dirty work of micromanaging you and spares you the humiliation of feeling like you’re always under the micro scope.On the other hand,if you are the wounded party you can makeyour mate’sjob easier by letting them know you value the relationship enough to make it work by keeping up your end.Tell them you appreciate their efforts.

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