Just siting waiting for healing to happen doesn’t help;it only lengthens the process,working to become a positive influence is what moves things forward.If you want to help:
a)listen:when your loved one needs to talk,listen without trying to defend,explain,rationalize or excuse your behaviour.Don’t try to correct their misperceptions or lessen their pain by minimissing it.
b)Validate:Don’t tell somebody you should’t feel that way,when people talk about their pain.often they’re doing the work necessary to help them heal.By letting them know their feelings are legitimate rather than making them feel weak or silly,you enable them to through the negative emotions
c)Apologise:Yes,again.whoever said, ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry, ‘didn’t know much about human relationships.Every genuine apology promotes healing.A heartfelt I’m sorry is medicine to a wounded soul.So apply until it’s no longer needed and your loved one will let youknow when that is.
d)Repair:offer to help repair the hurt you’ve caused. ‘I know I’ve wounded you,and I really want to know what I can do to help heal the damage.Genuinely spoken,those words realign and make you part of the solution,not just the cause of the problem.
1 comment:
I think one of the best tidbits of advice I have heard is this:
Don't look at what a person has done and judge, ask them WHY they did it. Understanding is key to defeating anger - if you can understand their reasoning and logic processes, you probably won't be so bitter about the resulting actions.
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