Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Healing Wounded Relationship3

There are no painless,foolproof quarantees;healing a relationship involves shared effort and risk.I have to trust that ultimately you’ll forgive me and put the offence behind you and you have to believe that I;m sincere about changing.Healing wounded relationships is a two-person job.your job is to work at trusting me again and mine is to provide you with evidence that I’m trusthworthy when we do that we invite one another’s co-operation,encourage each other and shorthen the distance that separates us.Making a relationship work means deciding you have real and positive options and both committing to them.If your betrayal caused the wounds,you can make your own job easier by becoming more accountable.By voluntarily keeping your partner in the loop about your schedule without having to quiz you,you graduate from being the bad guy to becoming a full-fledged team member,pursuing a mutual game plan so you can both win.By agreeing to self-police you also remove the resentment one partner feels when the other one monitors them.In other words,it relieves them of the dirty work of micromanaging you and spares you the humiliation of feeling like you’re always under the micro scope.On the other hand,if you are the wounded party you can makeyour mate’sjob easier by letting them know you value the relationship enough to make it work by keeping up your end.Tell them you appreciate their efforts.

Healing Wounded Relationship 2

Just siting waiting for healing to happen doesn’t help;it only lengthens the process,working to become a positive influence is what moves things forward.If you want to help:
a)listen:when your loved one needs to talk,listen without trying to defend,explain,rationalize or excuse your behaviour.Don’t try to correct their misperceptions or lessen their pain by minimissing it.
b)Validate:Don’t tell somebody you should’t feel that way,when people talk about their pain.often they’re doing the work necessary to help them heal.By letting them know their feelings are legitimate rather than making them feel weak or silly,you enable them to through the negative emotions
c)Apologise:Yes,again.whoever said, ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry, ‘didn’t know much about human relationships.Every genuine apology promotes healing.A heartfelt I’m sorry is medicine to a wounded soul.So apply until it’s no longer needed and your loved one will let youknow when that is.
d)Repair:offer to help repair the hurt you’ve caused. ‘I know I’ve wounded you,and I really want to know what I can do to help heal the damage.Genuinely spoken,those words realign and make you part of the solution,not just the cause of the problem.


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