How To Spot An Abusive Partner

Spotting abusive tendencies in a partner early on in a relationship can save you years of pain and misery. Abuse affects woman from all walks of life, and the question is : Will you be able to spot an abusive partner and put an end to the twade before it even begins? Expects say you can and you should.

Here are the sign that your partners has abusive tendencies:

He’s controlling: Almost all abusers are controlling. Itr may start in a subtle way but will eventually build up to the point where you can’t get out of your house without producing a written plan for your day’s activities.

He is possessive: He is very insecure and can’t stand the fact you have other people in your life. Extreme possessiveness can lead to abusive in order to keep you under control.

He alienated your close friends and family: Abusers like to keep their partners away from people who care about them. Your friends are all bad influences.

He verbally abuses you: he never supports you and couldn’t careless about what makes you happy. Hurtful words are there solely for the purpose of hurting someone and a man who loves you would never wants to hurt you.

He hits you: If your partner slaps you around, pushes you againt walls and drags you on the floor by your hair, he is abusing you. Stop hiding the bruses- report it to the police at once, police report will come in handy once you are ready to leave.

He humiliates you: It is all about breaking your spirit. Your confidence and love for your own being dies along with your spirit.

Women 9 Biggest Fears

Do you feel like your relationships are almost always ruined because you are scared? Scared of being abandoned like your mom was? Scared of commitment because it did not work out before? Scared he’ll cheat on you like your friend’s man did? Nonhlanla Khumalo lists the top phobias that make women want to run and hide when love comes to town.

1) Fear Of Abandonment:
Especially if you have witnessed abandonment-your dad leaving your mom, perhaps, you might assume that it is inevitable that your man will also abandon you. Your logic will have you shun relationships forever. But love is an emotion and it’s not guided by logic. That’s why they say “only fools fall in love”. We all have to calculate the risks when we fall for someone. You can let your fear consume you and drive you crazy or live a little and enjoy the good times.If he abandons you see, think of an opportunity to meet the one that was meant for you.

2)Fear of Infedelity
Does monogamy actually exist? Yes. We have seen great men risk it all for a side piece. Do all men cheat? Why do they cheat? May be Tiger Woods has the answers to these questions.Although we all know that not all men cheat, but all men are tempted to do it sometimes and it just depend on who has more self control.. The only way you can get over the fear of infidelity is to stop assuming that all men are the same, and that sometimes life just happens. Rather be the girl who gave it a try than the one who never tried at all. Who knows, your man may just turn out to be that one in a million.

3)Fear Of Change
It’s only natural that you may be a bit concern about how married life is going to change you as a person.The entire world expect you to change- talk differently, behave differently, even dress differently whether you change at all is entirely up to to you. Discuss your fears witrh your partner and accept his help and support. Delegates chores- he may be more than willing to help out. Plus , if you can pay for help, go for it.

4)Fear of Abuse
Many women who’ve dated abusers can testify that their partners were not abusive from their first date. Abusers behave very well until they know that you are hooked, and then the abuse begins. If this is one of your biggest fears, make sure that you are aware of the signs. The controlling usually starts very early on and it escalates. If you notice this , address that issue. If the problem continues, it’s your cue to get going.

5)Fear that you are not the one
Some women starts relationships knowing that there is another woman who is the one. They only have themselves to blame. But you could go into a relationship believing you are the one, only to find out later that it’s not the case; in these cases, it’s not some thing you can control. However, Finding out as much as you can about your boyfriend’s previous relationships can give you some clues to his track record and your chances together. Remember, it really doesn’t hurt to ask the question and demand an honest answer.

6)Fear of Commitment
It’s human nature to want to protect yourself and commiting to something with no guarantees is a scary thought. Try and figure out why you shy away from long-term arrangements, and work through your emotions. Be honest with your partner about your fera, he might helpyou.

7)Fear of sharing
Moving in together does not seem such an attractive idea because you can’t stand other people touching your things . You need your space every now and then. But you should be able to ballow at least one special person into that space too.

8)Fear of being alone
Are you one of those girls who cannot stand being alone? You always have to have a boyfriend? That’s when you make the mistake of being in relationships that don’t fulfil ytou. How are you going to find the love of your life if you are always in rebound relationships.

9)Fear of being used
You might be scared of going into a relationship whole – heartedly only to find out a couple of months down the line that you are being used for your money or your name as a side piece. Before completely losing your haett to a guy, perhaps do a little home work on him. Check on his position and relationship track- record to assure yourself it is love – not money or status that attracted him in the first place.

What You Need To Know About Relationships

Relationships aren’t destinations but ends.
They are journeys taken by men in the same ship in life.
Men with the same purpose and sense of judgement
Men with similar visions and goals.
Men with the same commitment and zeal.
They are founded on the conviction of each other.
And by commitment to each other
Strengthened by their faith in each other
Supported by the decision of each other.
They are meant to bless not batter
To complement and not to struggle
To commend and not to condemn
To learn from and not to dominate
To produce miracles and not mirages in marriage.
To produce victors and not victim in the home
To stimulate productivity and not strains in associations
To progress and not be stagnant in life
If done in sincerity,truth and love

They should be built on love and not lust
They should be handled with care and not treated with levity
They should be respected by all and not despised by any.
They should be seen as experiences and not experiments

Relationships:
Handled them with care:they are easily broken
Treat them with respect: they are easily discouraged
Guard them zealeously: they are usually envious
Appreciate them constansly: they need reassurance
Shower them with love: they deserve it.

How to Handle Abandonment

We say, what'll I do if they leave and never come back? It's one of our greatest fears; abandonment! Watch the young baby when mum leaves the room; terror appears on its tiny face. Our memory records those traumatic moments and replays them later when an important relationship is disintegrating in our hands. (Who needs you?) False bravado: 'I can get along without you?' Revenge: I don't get mad,I get even'. When you are facing abandonment by someone you love and dread losing, remember:

1) Efforts to keep someone from abandoning you usually don't work. Begging, manipulating, tears and promises often intensify their determination to go.

2) At some point we all experience the heartbreak of losing someone we love or being disappointed in people.

3) The pain you feel is legitimate. Those who say you shouldn't feel this way are wrong. Acknowledging pain initiates the feeling-process. You can't heal what you won't feel or deal with. Anxiety is your greatest enemy when you face abandonment! It pushes you into all the wrong reactions: Learn to manage it or it'll bring about your worst fears.

Here are some guidelines to help you:

1) Stay out of the pursuer role. Most relationship have a 'pursuer' and a 'distancer'. When we feel vulnerable we fall into whichever role is characteristic and act it out. When one distances, the other pursues, and vice versa. The problem is, when you pursue a distance and they get anxious, distancing more, it increases your anxiety and pushes you to pursue more, the vicious cycle. Though it will feel unnatural, by faith, decide to stop pursuing. You'll decrease the distancer's anxiety and invite them to stop distancing. Letting go is frightening and feels as though it might encourage them to leave. It won't necessarily but holding on will, managing your anxiety calls on you to do what you fears but it will reduce the anxiety level!

2) Control your anxiety-inducing self-talk. Your anxiety is being caused by your thought and self-talk, not your partner or circumstances. Saying, Oh, I'll die if he or she leaves me generates and magnifies fear. Construct a helpful self talk list. If he leaves; it'll hurt, but with the help of God and family, I'll get through it. Factor God in; He's the changer of hearts and minds. Lean on Him and He will lessen your anxiety and increase your peace and confidence.

What to Do When the Sizzle Fizzles

Here are three R 's' that work in our marriages.First;Remember.Remember the height from which you have fallen! Not the depth,but the height,Not how bad it becomes but how great it once was.Not the worst of times,but the best.Recall when just being together was the highlight of your whole day? What were you doing then that you're not doing now? Do you remember when you phoned just to hear his voice? The gifts you couldn't afford,but bought her? The love notes you slipped into his lunch?

Remember opening doors for her,pulling out chairs,walking to the outside of the curbkerb,cooking his favourite dish although you were exhausted from working late,reading 1001 ways to be romantic,and tying them all twice? Remember guiet candlelit dinners when you shaved again and wore her favourite cologne,the one you hated? When intimacy wasn't all about me? Our special palces,times,smells,looks,songs,poems. Arose on her tray with breakfast in bed because she had cried when she heard the song,you don't bring me flowers anymore and you vowed you'd never forget the flowers?
Remember! Remember what you did for love.The magic may seem to have appeared by accident,but it actually grew by action! You were the magic.What you did fuelled the romance,then you stopped doing it and the flame subsided.But the pilot light still burns and remembering the heights release positive,faith-inspiring chemistry that can move you to actions that will fan the flame into a fire again!

Healing Wounded Relationships 1

It happens everyday.May be It’s happening right now in your once-happy home.Unrealistic expectations,Infidelity and broken promises destroying the dream of life-long love nad trust.Thankfully,God is the Healer of broken relationship and violated trust.When someone you love is hurting:
1) Give it time:Healing is a process,not an event.wounds of the heart heal slowly.May be you’re thinking, ‘but I’ve apologized over and over.How long will it take them to let it go and start trusting me again? It takes as long as it takes! Demanding the other person to heal on your schedule only delays the process, ‘But if they really forgave me they wouldn’t keep bringing it up.’ Not so.when your loved one can bring it up without you getting upset healing will happen faster.
2) Don’t expect things to be normal for now.They don’t be and that’s normal! Ever notice how you automatically protect an injured limb against knocks and bumps? It’s a nutural,instinctive reaction.The fact is that the one who caused the pain may be ready for business as usual but for the wounded, ‘normal’ feels way too vulnerable right now.By lowering your expectations and giving them space,you ‘ll hasten and promote the healing process
3) Remember,people heal at different rates.There is a time,,to weep..a time to laugh…a time to refrain.Be sensitive

Symbiosis-The Best Form Of Relationship

The term relationship could be defined as the way in which two people,groups or countries behave towards each other or deal with each other.It could also be seen as a loving or sexual friendship between two people.It is the way in which two or more things or people are connected to each other.No man is an Island,he cannot but relate with others various reasons.Some go into it for the fun of it,without gaining anything or loosing anything while others go into it for their own benefits,fulfillment,self realization and growth(spiritually,physically and emotionally) and also for the total good of the other person with whom they are into the relationship.

Three Forms Of Realtionship
1)Parasitism:This is a form of relationship whereby a party to a relationship gains while the other loose completely.It is a one sided relationship,guided by the principle of survival of the fittest.In this form of relationship,each party to it is only concern with it’s personal or individual well being without thinking of the other,or considering the effects of his or her action on the other party to relationship.A good example of such is that which exist between boyfriend and girlfriend.The boy’s major focus is on how to satisfy his sexual peasure as fast or as much as he can without considering the effect of his action or plans on the girlfriend.Here,deception is th name of the game.The girl also will try all she can to pursue her hidden agendas,try to exploit the boy financially or materially quickly as possible since there is no assurance that the boy will marry her or even dump her for another girl.
People that go into this form of relationship often end it in pain,agony and bitterness.The unfortunate part of it all is that even married couples practice this form of destructive relationship.The husband struggles to get what he want and vise versa.I once had a neighbor who is a drunk whenever he collects his salary he will run away from home and spend the money with his concubines.As soon as the money finishes,he will return back to his house;waiting for the wife to struggle and provide food and other needs of the family.Everynight He will demand sex from the wife without thinking of wether the wife has eaten some thing or not,wether she is ill or she is in a safe period.Is this a good relationship? No.It is a bad form of relationship.

Communism: This is a form in which two organism live or move together without neither benefiting from each other nor losing anything to each other.It is a form of relationship that operates on the principle of everybody to himself or herself.Here,there is no mutual benefits and there is no lost on either side.a lot of people live together without being concern with the good and well being of one another in anyway.They don’t destroy,they don’t repair,they don’t contruct,they live a life of everybody to himself.some couples live together in the house,but they don’t talk to each other as a result of some arguments or misunderstanding which they are unable to resolve due to pride and arrogance.The man decides not to bother himself about the wife and vise versa.Is this form of relationship good? No.It is a bad form of relationship.


Symbiosis:This is a relationship of mutual benefits,love,concern nad care.It is a form of relationship where the two parties to it always struggle to protect the interest and well being of each other;no matter the cost.Here,each of either of the parties feel incomplete without the presence of the other.Both parties benefits equally and also lose equally as the case may be.This is the form of relationship that God designed and intended for all manking.That all mankind should always live and collaborate with one another,protect one another and care greatly about one another well being and goodness.Never to plan evil against one another,but try to contribute positively to the growth of the entire human race.If the entire human race accepts this form of relationship,the world will definitely become a better palce to live in,because we will all be working hard fro the good ang growth of one another which will in turn culminate in the peaceful and harmonius co-existence of all human beings.And it is much more recommended for couples.This is due to the fact thet marriage as a bond unites the man and the woman as one.This is a relationship of trust,sincerity,understanding and openness,embrace it.