How To Spot An Abusive Partner

Spotting abusive tendencies in a partner early on in a relationship can save you years of pain and misery. Abuse affects woman from all walks of life, and the question is : Will you be able to spot an abusive partner and put an end to the twade before it even begins? Expects say you can and you should.

Here are the sign that your partners has abusive tendencies:

He’s controlling: Almost all abusers are controlling. Itr may start in a subtle way but will eventually build up to the point where you can’t get out of your house without producing a written plan for your day’s activities.

He is possessive: He is very insecure and can’t stand the fact you have other people in your life. Extreme possessiveness can lead to abusive in order to keep you under control.

He alienated your close friends and family: Abusers like to keep their partners away from people who care about them. Your friends are all bad influences.

He verbally abuses you: he never supports you and couldn’t careless about what makes you happy. Hurtful words are there solely for the purpose of hurting someone and a man who loves you would never wants to hurt you.

He hits you: If your partner slaps you around, pushes you againt walls and drags you on the floor by your hair, he is abusing you. Stop hiding the bruses- report it to the police at once, police report will come in handy once you are ready to leave.

He humiliates you: It is all about breaking your spirit. Your confidence and love for your own being dies along with your spirit.

Women 9 Biggest Fears

Do you feel like your relationships are almost always ruined because you are scared? Scared of being abandoned like your mom was? Scared of commitment because it did not work out before? Scared he’ll cheat on you like your friend’s man did? Nonhlanla Khumalo lists the top phobias that make women want to run and hide when love comes to town.

1) Fear Of Abandonment:
Especially if you have witnessed abandonment-your dad leaving your mom, perhaps, you might assume that it is inevitable that your man will also abandon you. Your logic will have you shun relationships forever. But love is an emotion and it’s not guided by logic. That’s why they say “only fools fall in love”. We all have to calculate the risks when we fall for someone. You can let your fear consume you and drive you crazy or live a little and enjoy the good times.If he abandons you see, think of an opportunity to meet the one that was meant for you.

2)Fear of Infedelity
Does monogamy actually exist? Yes. We have seen great men risk it all for a side piece. Do all men cheat? Why do they cheat? May be Tiger Woods has the answers to these questions.Although we all know that not all men cheat, but all men are tempted to do it sometimes and it just depend on who has more self control.. The only way you can get over the fear of infidelity is to stop assuming that all men are the same, and that sometimes life just happens. Rather be the girl who gave it a try than the one who never tried at all. Who knows, your man may just turn out to be that one in a million.

3)Fear Of Change
It’s only natural that you may be a bit concern about how married life is going to change you as a person.The entire world expect you to change- talk differently, behave differently, even dress differently whether you change at all is entirely up to to you. Discuss your fears witrh your partner and accept his help and support. Delegates chores- he may be more than willing to help out. Plus , if you can pay for help, go for it.

4)Fear of Abuse
Many women who’ve dated abusers can testify that their partners were not abusive from their first date. Abusers behave very well until they know that you are hooked, and then the abuse begins. If this is one of your biggest fears, make sure that you are aware of the signs. The controlling usually starts very early on and it escalates. If you notice this , address that issue. If the problem continues, it’s your cue to get going.

5)Fear that you are not the one
Some women starts relationships knowing that there is another woman who is the one. They only have themselves to blame. But you could go into a relationship believing you are the one, only to find out later that it’s not the case; in these cases, it’s not some thing you can control. However, Finding out as much as you can about your boyfriend’s previous relationships can give you some clues to his track record and your chances together. Remember, it really doesn’t hurt to ask the question and demand an honest answer.

6)Fear of Commitment
It’s human nature to want to protect yourself and commiting to something with no guarantees is a scary thought. Try and figure out why you shy away from long-term arrangements, and work through your emotions. Be honest with your partner about your fera, he might helpyou.

7)Fear of sharing
Moving in together does not seem such an attractive idea because you can’t stand other people touching your things . You need your space every now and then. But you should be able to ballow at least one special person into that space too.

8)Fear of being alone
Are you one of those girls who cannot stand being alone? You always have to have a boyfriend? That’s when you make the mistake of being in relationships that don’t fulfil ytou. How are you going to find the love of your life if you are always in rebound relationships.

9)Fear of being used
You might be scared of going into a relationship whole – heartedly only to find out a couple of months down the line that you are being used for your money or your name as a side piece. Before completely losing your haett to a guy, perhaps do a little home work on him. Check on his position and relationship track- record to assure yourself it is love – not money or status that attracted him in the first place.

Do It While You Still can

When you lose a loved one, you realize that relationships are more important than possessions, but we forget that in our sramble to the top of the heap, being told you have only a short time to live puts you into shock, then re-orders your priorities. It makes you want to fill each precious moment with the words you’ve neglected to do. Don’t allow self-certredness to keep you from showing love to those who need it. Make that call, send that email, buy those flowers. Say ‘I love you’. In other words, ‘be there’ most of the time people don’t need our wise analysis or brilliant answers, they just need our love and support and they’ll will find their own answers

The son of a well-know missionary stood at his dad’s grave without shedding a tear. He told someone, ‘you never miss what you never had’. My dad loved people on the other side of the world, but I’m not sure he loved me. wake up! The clock is ticking and the days are flying by. Yes, you must fulfil your assignment but not at the cost of the people that matter

How To Get And Stay With The Right Partner

In every relationship, love and trust are fundamental. Many young ladies as well as guys have lost their right man and right woman respectively to bad attitudes. They are never truthful nor loyal to their partners who love them and are ready to sacrifice anything for them.

On the other hand, some singles could get so possessive and lose out on their partners. When you get too possessive, you are invariably telling yourself that there is little or no space for you in your partner’s heart.

If you have found yourself in one of the two categories listed above and are wondering how to change your attitudes, here is how:

First of all, trust yourself and then learn to trust your partner. Assure yourself that if you have a space in your partner’s life, then no one can take your place. Partners, most especially guys, do not really enjoy it when you cling them and make a fool of yourself, albeit unnecessarily when you two are around friends of the opposite sex.

Any single guy or lady ready for marriage should shun bad habbits and be truthful to the partner, and take time to learn those things that build a better and healthy relationship.

What You Need To Know About Relationships

Relationships aren’t destinations but ends.
They are journeys taken by men in the same ship in life.
Men with the same purpose and sense of judgement
Men with similar visions and goals.
Men with the same commitment and zeal.
They are founded on the conviction of each other.
And by commitment to each other
Strengthened by their faith in each other
Supported by the decision of each other.
They are meant to bless not batter
To complement and not to struggle
To commend and not to condemn
To learn from and not to dominate
To produce miracles and not mirages in marriage.
To produce victors and not victim in the home
To stimulate productivity and not strains in associations
To progress and not be stagnant in life
If done in sincerity,truth and love

They should be built on love and not lust
They should be handled with care and not treated with levity
They should be respected by all and not despised by any.
They should be seen as experiences and not experiments

Relationships:
Handled them with care:they are easily broken
Treat them with respect: they are easily discouraged
Guard them zealeously: they are usually envious
Appreciate them constansly: they need reassurance
Shower them with love: they deserve it.

Communication And Love-The Key To A Successful Marriage

Communication means talking with each other freely. Love means unselfish care for the other. Some people says, “ A real man doesn’t need to talk with his wife” but the fact is, a man will begin to enjoy marriage more when he realized, “It’s good for me to talk freely with my wife” As I communicate with her we understand each other; our love grows. There are three levels of communication: Perhaps right now your communication is zero. Don’t worry. You and your husband/wife can step up to level 1 and then to level 2 and 3. When you succeed in reaching level 3, you will find the joy of romantic friendship.

Level 1: Talk about what happened each afternoon when you and your husband/wife arrive home, tell each other what happened during and after the day. Tell about the car accident you saw, or how your cousin passed his exam… or whatever happened. It’s amazing that many couples fail to communicate even at that simple level. They stay in the same house but they seldom talk. Don’t be like that. Communicate. Everyday greet one another with a hug, and talk about what happened during the day.This will become a habit that you enjoy. In addition to telling about your day, ask your partner. “ what happened in your life today?” That question is important. If a husband never ask his wife about her days, she wonders, “ Does he love me?”

We all like to be asked questions that show sincere interest.When anyone asks me questions about my work or my ideas, I think, “ Isn’t he friendly!”
In marriage too, we should use questions to show our interest in each other. Your marriage will improve as you simply talk about your day and ask each other questions. That is level 1. But don’t stop there,move on to level 2.

Level 2: Talk about us.Level 2 of communications is talking about us, our money, our children, our relatives, our plans for the future… for example, a husband can discuss with his wife questions such as: what school should our children attend? Should we ask my cousin to stay with us? Should we buy a new car?

One day Abner and Lydia were discussing his mother. As they talked, they began to disagree and quarrel.
In that case, what should they do? They should continue talking until they reach agreement. But Abner and Lydia didn’t do that instead, they stopped talking before reaching an agreement. After that they thought, “ To avoid another quarrel, we must not talk about his mother.”
Later they had a quarrell about money. Again they stopped talking before reaching an agreement. So they began avoiding the topic of money.
After many years they had many topics that they couldn’t talk about that killed their communication.

Level 3: Talk about our feelings. In level 3 we open the door of our heart,allowing our marriage partner to see our feelings. Stephen told his wife, “ today my brother got angry and shouted at me. And my father supported him” ( That report of what happened was level 1) Then Stephen and his wife discussed how his problem could be solved. ( That was level 2 because it involved us and our relatives) After that his wife asked; “ How do you feel now?” Stephen replied. “ I worry.I fear that our family relationships will decline.I also feel hurt because…” That sharing of feelings was level 3 communication.
When we communicate at level 3 our joys are doubled because the happiness of one becomes the happiness of the other. And our burdens are cut in half since we share the load.

Tips On How To Improve Your Interpersonal Relationships

Very few of us never have contact with the outside world or other people, and as a result, there is a relationship that is created whenever we interact with someone else. As time goes on, that relationship can remain stagnant, or as in the case of a love or dating relationship, that relationship can grow and flourish. But the real key to any meaningful relationship is effective communication between two people. That statement is every bit as true for interpersonal relationships as it is for business relationships, and also for the marital relationship between a husband and wife.

Effective communications cannot be stressed enough, especially in a marriage relationship. In today's world where both husband and wife are holding down at least full time if not part time jobs, things happen during the course of a normal day. But it is only at the end of the day when two people are relaxing that effective communications can take place. It doesn't matter how mundane, since even in mundane conversation you can learn a lot about another person, understanding what is important to them, what irritates them, and things they find enjoyable.

Suppose your partner is depressed about something, whether financial stress, job pressures, or anything else. How much time do you give to your partner to improve the mood? If your answer is "none or not much", you are running the risk of your relationship starting to deteriorate. The breakdown of a relationship does not happen overnight, but it is all these "missed opportunities" to show care, understanding, and support that all add up over time.

Respect is a key ingredient of any relationship. If you do not feel you can trust someone, your communications with them will be brief or nonexistent. There is no real relationship there. That type of relationship may be fine for the checkout clerk at the grocery store, but how many people have that kind of relationship with their spouse? The real answer to that question will probably scare you, but you have control over that and the fate of that relationship, even your marital relationship, rests squarely in your hands.

Trust is another key element of any relationship, which goes hand in hand with respect. You need to feel you can trust the person you are communicating with. If you don't have a level of trust with that person, even your spouse, then your communications will reflect that lack of trust. You won't elaborate on things you say, you won't go into details, and you will subconsciously leave out information that may leave you vulnerable to a future rebuttal or even attack from the other person.

Many times, especially in a marriage relationship, the three key elements of a relationship (communication, trust and respect) slowly start to erode over time. It is typically not a conscious thing, but it can happen if both spouses are not aware that they need to keep all levels of these elements at peak values consistently. So what happens as these components start to degrade? That relationship can develop into an abusive relationship. This is particularly difficult in a marriage relationship - when the checkout clerk at the grocery store abuses you, you can report them to their management or you can just decide to shop somewhere else. But in a marriage relationship, it is not nearly as clear-cut at that, nor nearly as simple. The marriage equivalent of "shopping somewhere else" is divorce, which although being a very drastic step, is sometimes the best solution for both parties when the respect, the trust, and the communications have degraded to the point where both parties are unwilling to put in enough time and effort that will be required to rebuild those elements.

My Husband Does Not Love Me - What should I Do?

One of the most tasking emotions for a woman is when she suddenly realizes that her husband is no longer in love with her. If this is happening to you, here are the things you can do to make your husband love you again.

It is my firm belief that it is easier to make a man happy than for a man to make a woman happy. I believe this because men really don't ask for much. If they can camp out on the hard ground with the ants and other bugs how hard can they be to please? Yes, I know this sounds superficial but think about this for a moment. Have you noticed how much happier, and less stressed out your man is when he has his two most important needs met, sex and food?

It is also semi-true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. They love to eat and they love to eat good tasty meals. When their stomachs are full, and they have been taken care of physically, a man doesn't ask for much else.

Don't forget, the home is a man's castle. Knowing this, make every effort to keep his castle tidy and free of stressful situations that could upset his equilibrium. He has worked all day long and wants to come home to a loving and sweet wife, not a grouch and a TV dinner

Be appreciative of every little thing your man does around the house. Make your man feel like a man by being a woman. Give him a hug and a kiss where it counts, talk about your day together. Don't reject your husband sexually. Make him feel good about himself by telling him so. Respect him for who he is and what he does!

Basically, a woman needs validated and intimacy, and a man needs sex and good food. Find ways in which you can give of your self in the marriage by being more loving in these areas.

What to Do When the Sizzle Fizzles

Here are three R 's' that work in our marriages.First;Remember.Remember the height from which you have fallen! Not the depth,but the height,Not how bad it becomes but how great it once was.Not the worst of times,but the best.Recall when just being together was the highlight of your whole day? What were you doing then that you're not doing now? Do you remember when you phoned just to hear his voice? The gifts you couldn't afford,but bought her? The love notes you slipped into his lunch?

Remember opening doors for her,pulling out chairs,walking to the outside of the curbkerb,cooking his favourite dish although you were exhausted from working late,reading 1001 ways to be romantic,and tying them all twice? Remember guiet candlelit dinners when you shaved again and wore her favourite cologne,the one you hated? When intimacy wasn't all about me? Our special palces,times,smells,looks,songs,poems. Arose on her tray with breakfast in bed because she had cried when she heard the song,you don't bring me flowers anymore and you vowed you'd never forget the flowers?
Remember! Remember what you did for love.The magic may seem to have appeared by accident,but it actually grew by action! You were the magic.What you did fuelled the romance,then you stopped doing it and the flame subsided.But the pilot light still burns and remembering the heights release positive,faith-inspiring chemistry that can move you to actions that will fan the flame into a fire again!

Healing Wounded Relationship3

There are no painless,foolproof quarantees;healing a relationship involves shared effort and risk.I have to trust that ultimately you’ll forgive me and put the offence behind you and you have to believe that I;m sincere about changing.Healing wounded relationships is a two-person job.your job is to work at trusting me again and mine is to provide you with evidence that I’m trusthworthy when we do that we invite one another’s co-operation,encourage each other and shorthen the distance that separates us.Making a relationship work means deciding you have real and positive options and both committing to them.If your betrayal caused the wounds,you can make your own job easier by becoming more accountable.By voluntarily keeping your partner in the loop about your schedule without having to quiz you,you graduate from being the bad guy to becoming a full-fledged team member,pursuing a mutual game plan so you can both win.By agreeing to self-police you also remove the resentment one partner feels when the other one monitors them.In other words,it relieves them of the dirty work of micromanaging you and spares you the humiliation of feeling like you’re always under the micro scope.On the other hand,if you are the wounded party you can makeyour mate’sjob easier by letting them know you value the relationship enough to make it work by keeping up your end.Tell them you appreciate their efforts.

Healing Wounded Relationship 2

Just siting waiting for healing to happen doesn’t help;it only lengthens the process,working to become a positive influence is what moves things forward.If you want to help:
a)listen:when your loved one needs to talk,listen without trying to defend,explain,rationalize or excuse your behaviour.Don’t try to correct their misperceptions or lessen their pain by minimissing it.
b)Validate:Don’t tell somebody you should’t feel that way,when people talk about their pain.often they’re doing the work necessary to help them heal.By letting them know their feelings are legitimate rather than making them feel weak or silly,you enable them to through the negative emotions
c)Apologise:Yes,again.whoever said, ‘Love means never having to say you’re sorry, ‘didn’t know much about human relationships.Every genuine apology promotes healing.A heartfelt I’m sorry is medicine to a wounded soul.So apply until it’s no longer needed and your loved one will let youknow when that is.
d)Repair:offer to help repair the hurt you’ve caused. ‘I know I’ve wounded you,and I really want to know what I can do to help heal the damage.Genuinely spoken,those words realign and make you part of the solution,not just the cause of the problem.

Healing Wounded Relationships 1

It happens everyday.May be It’s happening right now in your once-happy home.Unrealistic expectations,Infidelity and broken promises destroying the dream of life-long love nad trust.Thankfully,God is the Healer of broken relationship and violated trust.When someone you love is hurting:
1) Give it time:Healing is a process,not an event.wounds of the heart heal slowly.May be you’re thinking, ‘but I’ve apologized over and over.How long will it take them to let it go and start trusting me again? It takes as long as it takes! Demanding the other person to heal on your schedule only delays the process, ‘But if they really forgave me they wouldn’t keep bringing it up.’ Not so.when your loved one can bring it up without you getting upset healing will happen faster.
2) Don’t expect things to be normal for now.They don’t be and that’s normal! Ever notice how you automatically protect an injured limb against knocks and bumps? It’s a nutural,instinctive reaction.The fact is that the one who caused the pain may be ready for business as usual but for the wounded, ‘normal’ feels way too vulnerable right now.By lowering your expectations and giving them space,you ‘ll hasten and promote the healing process
3) Remember,people heal at different rates.There is a time,,to weep..a time to laugh…a time to refrain.Be sensitive

Symbiosis-The Best Form Of Relationship

The term relationship could be defined as the way in which two people,groups or countries behave towards each other or deal with each other.It could also be seen as a loving or sexual friendship between two people.It is the way in which two or more things or people are connected to each other.No man is an Island,he cannot but relate with others various reasons.Some go into it for the fun of it,without gaining anything or loosing anything while others go into it for their own benefits,fulfillment,self realization and growth(spiritually,physically and emotionally) and also for the total good of the other person with whom they are into the relationship.

Three Forms Of Realtionship
1)Parasitism:This is a form of relationship whereby a party to a relationship gains while the other loose completely.It is a one sided relationship,guided by the principle of survival of the fittest.In this form of relationship,each party to it is only concern with it’s personal or individual well being without thinking of the other,or considering the effects of his or her action on the other party to relationship.A good example of such is that which exist between boyfriend and girlfriend.The boy’s major focus is on how to satisfy his sexual peasure as fast or as much as he can without considering the effect of his action or plans on the girlfriend.Here,deception is th name of the game.The girl also will try all she can to pursue her hidden agendas,try to exploit the boy financially or materially quickly as possible since there is no assurance that the boy will marry her or even dump her for another girl.
People that go into this form of relationship often end it in pain,agony and bitterness.The unfortunate part of it all is that even married couples practice this form of destructive relationship.The husband struggles to get what he want and vise versa.I once had a neighbor who is a drunk whenever he collects his salary he will run away from home and spend the money with his concubines.As soon as the money finishes,he will return back to his house;waiting for the wife to struggle and provide food and other needs of the family.Everynight He will demand sex from the wife without thinking of wether the wife has eaten some thing or not,wether she is ill or she is in a safe period.Is this a good relationship? No.It is a bad form of relationship.

Communism: This is a form in which two organism live or move together without neither benefiting from each other nor losing anything to each other.It is a form of relationship that operates on the principle of everybody to himself or herself.Here,there is no mutual benefits and there is no lost on either side.a lot of people live together without being concern with the good and well being of one another in anyway.They don’t destroy,they don’t repair,they don’t contruct,they live a life of everybody to himself.some couples live together in the house,but they don’t talk to each other as a result of some arguments or misunderstanding which they are unable to resolve due to pride and arrogance.The man decides not to bother himself about the wife and vise versa.Is this form of relationship good? No.It is a bad form of relationship.


Symbiosis:This is a relationship of mutual benefits,love,concern nad care.It is a form of relationship where the two parties to it always struggle to protect the interest and well being of each other;no matter the cost.Here,each of either of the parties feel incomplete without the presence of the other.Both parties benefits equally and also lose equally as the case may be.This is the form of relationship that God designed and intended for all manking.That all mankind should always live and collaborate with one another,protect one another and care greatly about one another well being and goodness.Never to plan evil against one another,but try to contribute positively to the growth of the entire human race.If the entire human race accepts this form of relationship,the world will definitely become a better palce to live in,because we will all be working hard fro the good ang growth of one another which will in turn culminate in the peaceful and harmonius co-existence of all human beings.And it is much more recommended for couples.This is due to the fact thet marriage as a bond unites the man and the woman as one.This is a relationship of trust,sincerity,understanding and openness,embrace it.

How To Surprise Someone You Love On Valentine's Day

Do you feel like sending a surprise to someone or people you love on valentine's day But you do not know how to keep them from finding out that it was you and you do not want to be caught. And you have no idea what you would even do to surprise them. Here are tips on to surprise someone you love.

1. A Singing Telegram is a full tradition that has been used in many of movie lines. Send a bear, clown or old lady to sing a personalized song.

2. Sending flowers is still a timeless gift and wonderful idea. There are many types of flowers from the rose to exotic plants that can be delivered worldwide right online.

3. Cookie Bouquets are a yummy treat to send someone and a great fun idea. Include a special sweet message with their sweet treat.

4. Send a chef as a surprise to cook someone a special meal as a surprise.

5.A Lawn Greeting is the best way to surprise someone and they do all the work. Someone will go out between midnight and seven in the morning. They will place flamingos, cows, hearts, flowers, old age signs and more in the front yard. There is also a large message card that is personalized with a special message that you pick. The lawn greeting will stay in the yard until evening and the lawn greeting company picks up the signs. Let them know you do not want the person to know who it is from and they will keep it a secret.