Communication means talking with each other freely. Love means unselfish care for the other. Some people says, “ A real man doesn’t need to talk with his wife” but the fact is, a man will begin to enjoy marriage more when he realized, “It’s good for me to talk freely with my wife” As I communicate with her we understand each other; our love grows. There are three levels of communication: Perhaps right now your communication is zero. Don’t worry. You and your husband/wife can step up to level 1 and then to level 2 and 3. When you succeed in reaching level 3, you will find the joy of romantic friendship.
Level 1: Talk about what happened each afternoon when you and your husband/wife arrive home, tell each other what happened during and after the day. Tell about the car accident you saw, or how your cousin passed his exam… or whatever happened. It’s amazing that many couples fail to communicate even at that simple level. They stay in the same house but they seldom talk. Don’t be like that. Communicate. Everyday greet one another with a hug, and talk about what happened during the day.This will become a habit that you enjoy. In addition to telling about your day, ask your partner. “ what happened in your life today?” That question is important. If a husband never ask his wife about her days, she wonders, “ Does he love me?”
We all like to be asked questions that show sincere interest.When anyone asks me questions about my work or my ideas, I think, “ Isn’t he friendly!”
In marriage too, we should use questions to show our interest in each other. Your marriage will improve as you simply talk about your day and ask each other questions. That is level 1. But don’t stop there,move on to level 2.
Level 2: Talk about us.Level 2 of communications is talking about us, our money, our children, our relatives, our plans for the future… for example, a husband can discuss with his wife questions such as: what school should our children attend? Should we ask my cousin to stay with us? Should we buy a new car?
One day Abner and Lydia were discussing his mother. As they talked, they began to disagree and quarrel.
In that case, what should they do? They should continue talking until they reach agreement. But Abner and Lydia didn’t do that instead, they stopped talking before reaching an agreement. After that they thought, “ To avoid another quarrel, we must not talk about his mother.”
Later they had a quarrell about money. Again they stopped talking before reaching an agreement. So they began avoiding the topic of money.
After many years they had many topics that they couldn’t talk about that killed their communication.
Level 3: Talk about our feelings. In level 3 we open the door of our heart,allowing our marriage partner to see our feelings. Stephen told his wife, “ today my brother got angry and shouted at me. And my father supported him” ( That report of what happened was level 1) Then Stephen and his wife discussed how his problem could be solved. ( That was level 2 because it involved us and our relatives) After that his wife asked; “ How do you feel now?” Stephen replied. “ I worry.I fear that our family relationships will decline.I also feel hurt because…” That sharing of feelings was level 3 communication.
When we communicate at level 3 our joys are doubled because the happiness of one becomes the happiness of the other. And our burdens are cut in half since we share the load.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Tips On How To Improve Your Interpersonal Relationships
Very few of us never have contact with the outside world or other people, and as a result, there is a relationship that is created whenever we interact with someone else. As time goes on, that relationship can remain stagnant, or as in the case of a love or dating relationship, that relationship can grow and flourish. But the real key to any meaningful relationship is effective communication between two people. That statement is every bit as true for interpersonal relationships as it is for business relationships, and also for the marital relationship between a husband and wife.
Effective communications cannot be stressed enough, especially in a marriage relationship. In today's world where both husband and wife are holding down at least full time if not part time jobs, things happen during the course of a normal day. But it is only at the end of the day when two people are relaxing that effective communications can take place. It doesn't matter how mundane, since even in mundane conversation you can learn a lot about another person, understanding what is important to them, what irritates them, and things they find enjoyable.
Suppose your partner is depressed about something, whether financial stress, job pressures, or anything else. How much time do you give to your partner to improve the mood? If your answer is "none or not much", you are running the risk of your relationship starting to deteriorate. The breakdown of a relationship does not happen overnight, but it is all these "missed opportunities" to show care, understanding, and support that all add up over time.
Respect is a key ingredient of any relationship. If you do not feel you can trust someone, your communications with them will be brief or nonexistent. There is no real relationship there. That type of relationship may be fine for the checkout clerk at the grocery store, but how many people have that kind of relationship with their spouse? The real answer to that question will probably scare you, but you have control over that and the fate of that relationship, even your marital relationship, rests squarely in your hands.
Trust is another key element of any relationship, which goes hand in hand with respect. You need to feel you can trust the person you are communicating with. If you don't have a level of trust with that person, even your spouse, then your communications will reflect that lack of trust. You won't elaborate on things you say, you won't go into details, and you will subconsciously leave out information that may leave you vulnerable to a future rebuttal or even attack from the other person.
Many times, especially in a marriage relationship, the three key elements of a relationship (communication, trust and respect) slowly start to erode over time. It is typically not a conscious thing, but it can happen if both spouses are not aware that they need to keep all levels of these elements at peak values consistently. So what happens as these components start to degrade? That relationship can develop into an abusive relationship. This is particularly difficult in a marriage relationship - when the checkout clerk at the grocery store abuses you, you can report them to their management or you can just decide to shop somewhere else. But in a marriage relationship, it is not nearly as clear-cut at that, nor nearly as simple. The marriage equivalent of "shopping somewhere else" is divorce, which although being a very drastic step, is sometimes the best solution for both parties when the respect, the trust, and the communications have degraded to the point where both parties are unwilling to put in enough time and effort that will be required to rebuild those elements.
Effective communications cannot be stressed enough, especially in a marriage relationship. In today's world where both husband and wife are holding down at least full time if not part time jobs, things happen during the course of a normal day. But it is only at the end of the day when two people are relaxing that effective communications can take place. It doesn't matter how mundane, since even in mundane conversation you can learn a lot about another person, understanding what is important to them, what irritates them, and things they find enjoyable.
Suppose your partner is depressed about something, whether financial stress, job pressures, or anything else. How much time do you give to your partner to improve the mood? If your answer is "none or not much", you are running the risk of your relationship starting to deteriorate. The breakdown of a relationship does not happen overnight, but it is all these "missed opportunities" to show care, understanding, and support that all add up over time.
Respect is a key ingredient of any relationship. If you do not feel you can trust someone, your communications with them will be brief or nonexistent. There is no real relationship there. That type of relationship may be fine for the checkout clerk at the grocery store, but how many people have that kind of relationship with their spouse? The real answer to that question will probably scare you, but you have control over that and the fate of that relationship, even your marital relationship, rests squarely in your hands.
Trust is another key element of any relationship, which goes hand in hand with respect. You need to feel you can trust the person you are communicating with. If you don't have a level of trust with that person, even your spouse, then your communications will reflect that lack of trust. You won't elaborate on things you say, you won't go into details, and you will subconsciously leave out information that may leave you vulnerable to a future rebuttal or even attack from the other person.
Many times, especially in a marriage relationship, the three key elements of a relationship (communication, trust and respect) slowly start to erode over time. It is typically not a conscious thing, but it can happen if both spouses are not aware that they need to keep all levels of these elements at peak values consistently. So what happens as these components start to degrade? That relationship can develop into an abusive relationship. This is particularly difficult in a marriage relationship - when the checkout clerk at the grocery store abuses you, you can report them to their management or you can just decide to shop somewhere else. But in a marriage relationship, it is not nearly as clear-cut at that, nor nearly as simple. The marriage equivalent of "shopping somewhere else" is divorce, which although being a very drastic step, is sometimes the best solution for both parties when the respect, the trust, and the communications have degraded to the point where both parties are unwilling to put in enough time and effort that will be required to rebuild those elements.
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